Pause. A Podcast.

How Many Times I Had to Become Someone New

Sun, 26 Apr 2026 11:16:28 GMT

There are lives that look linear from the outside—one version of a woman, one story, one identity. And then there are lives like mine: built from ashes, rupture, reinvention. This episode is about every version of me that had to die so I could keep going—the girl raised inside fear and control, the survivor, the athlete, the mother, the woman who kept rebuilding after trauma, loss, abuse, heartbreak, betrayal, addiction, grief, and the kind of pain that doesn’t just break you… it demands evolution. “How Many Times I Had to Become Someone New” is about identity shaped through survival—about shedding skin so many times you stop asking, “Why me?” and start asking, “Who am I now?” This is for anyone who has ever had to mourn who they were while fighting to become who they needed to be. Not a story of breaking. A story of becoming.

What Does Addiction Look Like?

Mon, 20 Apr 2026 07:45:16 GMT

Addiction is so much more complicated than people want to admit. It is not always the stereotype people picture—it can look like success, chaos, control, isolation, humor, functioning, denial, or survival. This week we talk about the emotional reality underneath it all: trauma, shame, secrecy, loneliness, relapse, coping, and the ways people try to numb what feels impossible to carry. We also get honest about recovery—how messy it can be, what actually motivates change, and why people deserve compassion instead of judgment. This one is raw, heavy, and important.

https://smartrecovery.org/meeting

https://www.aa.org

Beyond the Myths of Sex Work

Fri, 10 Apr 2026 09:18:53 GMT

This week we’re diving into the world of sex work and stripping—unpacking the stigma, stereotypes, and endless misconceptions that surround an industry everyone seems to have opinions about but few truly understand. Through three interviews with guests from different perspectives, we explore the realities behind the myths, the sense of community that exists within the industry, and the ways society often dehumanizes what it refuses to fully understand.

Morgan Hay: morganhay@morganhay.com

Vicki Shadowline on Instagram vickyshadowline@gmail.com

Ross Dexter on Instagram @rossisrollin

DV8 on Instagram @dv8_club

Elle Stanger on Instagram @stripperwriter

Etiquette Tips:

https://www.salient.org.nz/post/strip-club-etiquette

Red Flags We Romanticized

Sat, 04 Apr 2026 09:40:40 GMT

Romanticizing red flags is basically our brain’s way of turning warning signs into personality traits we think we can “handle.” In this episode, we unpack the behaviors we once excused—emotional unavailability, inconsistency, intensity that felt like passion—and why they can feel so intoxicating in the moment. With humor and a little honesty, we explore the difference between chemistry and chaos, and what it actually takes to stop confusing the two.

Attached Audio Book Below

https://www.audible.com/pd/Attached-Audiobook/0593171667?ipRedirectOverride=true&overrideBaseCountry=true&bp_o=true&language=en_US&source_code=GPAPP30DTRIAL5480813240005&gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=23058120608&gclid=Cj0KCQjw7cLOBhDmARIsAGsuA0npw0iQX38G5s_eR4ApanuBnN2YLiWEGtOCo_eOvDYU0HKxG9Ma8y0aAjn7EALw_wcB

Music credits to Alright Alright based in Denver, CO.

Contradiction in Desire

Mon, 30 Mar 2026 12:51:57 GMT

Desire is full of contradictions—we crave closeness but fear losing ourselves, want passion but also stability, chase novelty while longing for safety. The very things that attract us can eventually unsettle us: independence can feel like distance, and reliability can feel like boredom. In relationships, this creates a quiet tension where we’re constantly balancing opposing needs, often without realizing it. Learning to hold both sides—to want connection and autonomy, excitement and security—is where deeper, more conscious love begins.

Link for the Documentary about Portland, OR strip club culture. https://www.primevideo.com/detail/Cheers-Portland-the-Strip-Club-Capital-of-America/0P2DVUFUCWRKAODS4T3XZWBLCJ

Perel, E. (2006). Mating in captivity: Unlocking erotic intelligence. HarperCollins.

Music by Alright Alright

Unending topic of trauma

Sun, 22 Mar 2026 05:30:20 GMT

Trigger Warning: Emotional, Physical, and Sexual Trauma

This week’s episode isn’t exactly “light and breezy,” but we do manage to sprinkle in just enough humor to make the heavy stuff a little more bearable. We’re talking emotional, physical, and sexual trauma—how it shows up, how it sticks around, and how our brains do some truly creative things to try to protect us. It’s honest, a little raw, and somehow still feels like sitting with someone who gets it (and maybe even cracks a well-timed, slightly inappropriate joke).

If this brings anything up for you, you’re not alone—and support is available:

• National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE or rainn.org (chat available)

• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 or thehotline.org

• If you’re in immediate danger, call 911

Take what you need, skip what you don’t, and be gentle with yourself. 💛

You don’t have trauma??

Mon, 16 Mar 2026 06:40:43 GMT

Early and invisible trauma wounds from our family of origin shape so much of how we move through the world—how we love, how we protect ourselves, how we communicate, and what feels safe or unsafe in relationship. These wounds are often quiet, buried beneath survival patterns we don’t even realize we carry, yet they can show up in our friendships, romantic relationships, parenting, and sense of self. In this episode, I’m exploring how those early experiences live on in the body and nervous system, and how healing begins with bringing compassion and awareness to the parts of us that learned to survive first.

Details of article:

Şar, V. (2025, October). From attachment to trauma to traumatic attachment: Invisible injuries of early childhood and subtle relational codes of self-regulation. Clinical Neuropsychiatry: Journal of Treatment Evaluation, 22(5), 417–422.

Update and bridge to next episodes.

Thu, 12 Mar 2026 08:12:05 GMT

Relationships don’t happen in a vacuum—they’re shaped by the systems we grow up in. The patriarchy quietly scripts a lot of our expectations: who leads, who sacrifices, who holds the emotional labor, and whose needs get prioritized. Those patterns show up whether we’re talking about monogamy, polyamory, or friendship dynamics. And layered on top of that is trauma—old wounds that live in our nervous systems and influence how safe we feel with other people. Trauma can make us hyper-independent, overly accommodating, or constantly scanning for signs we’ll be hurt again. It changes how we trust, how we set boundaries, and how we show up in love and friendship alike. In this conversation, Karlee shares her own experience with relationship trauma and how it shaped the way she understands connection, safety, and healing today.

Relationship ish.

Mon, 09 Mar 2026 06:46:46 GMT

In this episode, we dive headfirst into the messy, complicated and sometimes uncomfortable world of love, sex, and relationship styles—from traditional monogamy to polyamory to ethical non-monogamy and everything in between. Nothing is off limits. We question the rules we were all handed about dating, marriage, jealousy, commitment, and whether humans were ever meant to follow just one script.

Men.

Sat, 28 Feb 2026 02:52:25 GMT

In this episode, we take on one of the most charged conversations of our time: men and the patriarchy.

What does patriarchy actually mean beyond the buzzword? How does it shape men’s identities, relationships, emotional lives, and sense of worth? And who does it ultimately serve — and harm?