Making Sense of Parenting

Ep. #42 - Is Ignorance Really Bliss?

Fri, 24 Mar 2023 14:36:14 GMT

In this episode, Kelly explores the age-old adage, "Ignorance is bliss," questioning its relevance in parenting. Drawing from her experience as a mother of three teenagers Kelly highlights both the positive and negative connotations of ignorance. She acknowledges that some forms of ignorance, particularly in situations beyond one's control, may lead to a blissful state as unnecessary worry is avoided.

However, Kelly strongly argues against embracing ignorance in parenting, especially when it comes to understanding and addressing children's behaviors and issues. She contends that remaining ignorant can perpetuate parental misery and lead to more significant challenges down the road. Kelly emphasizes the importance of recognizing and addressing potential issues early on, offering support to parents in navigating the complexities of raising children.

Central to Kelly's approach is her expertise in understanding the sensory system, a key element in human development often overlooked by parents, teachers, and even professionals. She explains that knowledge about the sensory system is crucial for recognizing and addressing behaviors caused by sensory overload. Kelly asserts that connecting with children on a sensory level is fundamental to effective parenting, encouraging parents to understand their child's unique sensory sensitivities.

Towards the end of the episode, Kelly introduces her monthly membership program, providing a safe space for parents to access valuable information, participate in group coaching calls, and receive guidance tailored to their specific situations. She emphasizes the importance of taking small steps and understanding the sensory system as a powerful tool for improving parent-child relationships and creating a more blissful family life.

Links

Ep. #41 - The Summer Scaries are Real and Right Around the Corner

Fri, 24 Mar 2023 14:27:52 GMT

In this episode Kelly offers valuable insights and strategies for navigating the challenges of summer parenting. In this discussion, she addresses the commonly dreaded "summer scaries," a phenomenon many mothers experience when contemplating the upcoming months with their kids. Kelly challenges the perception that summer is a source of anxiety, emphasizing the potential for improved health, family well-being, and stronger connections when approached with the right mindset and skill set. Kelly emphasizes two important points to help navigate the “summer scaries”. One, is inviting God’s grace into the situations you are facing and two, maintain good connections with your children.

As a parenting coach, Kelly underscores the importance of connecting with children rather than controlling them, advocating for a relational approach that fosters trust and cooperation. She shares her passion for working with children aged three to eight, emphasizing the significance of building a strong foundation during these formative years. Kelly's unique approach involves integrating God and His grace into parenting, highlighting the role of faith in fostering a more harmonious family life.

Throughout the discussion, Kelly addresses various topics that commonly cause stress for parents during the summer, such as guilt, overwhelm, and the pressure to plan activities for kids. She provides practical advice on handling challenges like boredom, body image issues, play dates, camps, substance abuse concerns, and maintaining academic engagement. Kelly emphasizes the need for flexibility and encourages parents to create an environment that allows for both structure and freedom.

Kelly reassures them that they don't have to face these challenges alone. She invites them to seek the help they need to ensure a successful, enjoyable, and stress-free summer for both parents and children. Kelly's approach is grounded in the belief that embracing the trials of parenting is an invitation to grow towards holiness and heaven, and she is dedicated to helping parents navigate this journey with confidence and trust in their abilities.

Links

Ep. #40 - I'm Over It!

Fri, 24 Mar 2023 14:21:51 GMT

In this episode, Kelly addresses the issue of overwhelm experienced by women, particularly mothers. She emphasizes that she has been assisting numerous overwhelmed moms who feel burdened by various responsibilities and anxieties. She acknowledges the challenges faced by overachiever parents and aims to guide them towards a better approach to parenting.

Kelly's discussion covers several key points. Firstly, she delves into the body-based reasons why women, particularly mothers, tend to experience overwhelm more frequently. She links this phenomenon to hormonal differences, particularly estrogen, and explores the brain's distinct networks and modes of thinking that contribute to overwhelm.

Kelly addresses the prevalent issue of moms comparing themselves negatively with other seemingly perfect parents on social media. She highlights the importance of understanding one's unique parenting challenges and viewing these as opportunities for growth, change, and connection with God. She stresses that discomfort and challenges are part of the parenting journey, designed to aid personal development and closeness to God.

The episode also explores the scientific aspect of overwhelm, discussing the brain's neural networks, hormonal influence, and gender differences. Kelly highlights that women's brains naturally tend toward diffuse awareness, which can contribute to overwhelm. She explains that while men and women both experience stress, their responses and brain mechanisms differ.

Kelly's advice for combating overwhelm revolves around four strategies. Firstly, she advocates seeking grace and divine assistance to handle the challenges of parenting. Secondly, she emphasizes cultivating self-awareness, understanding one's tendencies, and making conscious choices to avoid overcommitting. Thirdly, she encourages establishing checks and balances by involving others, such as spouses, friends, or even children, to keep one accountable and prevent taking on too much.

Lastly, Kelly promotes the use of body-based techniques to manage overwhelm. Breathing exercises, physical movements, and reflex techniques are highlighted as powerful tools that can be easily incorporated into daily routines. By implementing these strategies, parents can effectively address overwhelm, avoid burnout, and create a more balanced and peaceful parenting experience.

Links

Ep. #39 - Let's Talk Kids and Sports

Fri, 24 Mar 2023 14:04:55 GMT

In this episode, Kelly delves into the impact of labeling children as "sporty" or “not sporty” and advocates for a more open view of sports. Challenging the belief that athleticism solely depends on physical attributes, Kelly underscores the significance of varied perspectives. She encourages parents to nurture their children's overall well-being, recognizing their unique qualities as chosen by God, while guiding them towards a personalized path of sportiness.

Kelly sheds light on the need for parents to release their expectations when it comes to their children's sports activities. Emphasizing that children have distinct preferences and opinions, often differing from their parents, Kelly urges parents to support these individual choices. The episode also underscores the role of modeling sports activity and athleticism for children, regardless of time constraints or personal doubts, fostering a healthier mindset towards physical activity.

Kelly highlights the need for parents to demonstrate the significance of being fit by dedicating even a few minutes a day to physical activity. The episode also discusses the "try-on" phase, where children explore various sports and activities to find their resonance. Kelly emphasizes the need to create a supportive environment for "watcher" children who need to see first and gradually encourage their participation. Ultimately, the message is clear: parents should pay attention to their children's unique preferences, nurturing a wholesome approach to sports and physical activities.

Links

Ep. #38 - Moms Have Meltdowns Too

Fri, 24 Mar 2023 13:55:59 GMT

In this episode, Kelly discusses the common experiences of moms having meltdowns. She emphasizes that moms, like anyone else, can experience moments of overwhelm and frustration. The meltdowns she refers to are moments that occur when the pressure of parenting, combined with various stressors, can lead to emotional releases. It is important to remember that we walk closely with God and invite God’s grace into these moments when they occur.

Kelly highlights several triggers for these meltdowns, ranging from dealing with changes and transitions in routines to the physical toll of not taking care of one's body. She emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and understanding these triggers in order to manage them effectively. Kelly also underscores the significance of recognizing that moms are human too and are allowed to experience emotions, even in front of their children.

Furthermore, Kelly discusses the impact of major life events, such as milestone celebrations or dangerous situations, which can exacerbate the likelihood of meltdowns. She suggests that having a plan for self-regulation during these moments can be crucial for moms to maintain composure.

Kelly also delves into the concept of "multi-layer meltdowns," where the accumulation of stressors throughout the day can lead to a delayed emotional release, often occurring when a mom is alone or in the car. She highlights the importance of using these instances to model healthy emotional management for children.

Finally, Kelly addresses the significance of combatting isolation and loneliness among moms. She stresses the need for a supportive community of other women, who can provide understanding, connection, and emotional relief. By sharing personal experiences and seeking help from others, moms can navigate their meltdowns with greater self-awareness and a sense of camaraderie.

Links

Ep. #37 - Top Mistakes Moms Make

Wed, 22 Mar 2023 21:39:33 GMT

Feeling like you are a mom who is always messing up? Kelly understands and takes the opportunity in this episode to go over some of the top mistakes that mothers endure. From leaving God out of the parenting relationship, to the unknown expectations for your spouse, Kelly will bring all these into the discussion.

“All moms make mistakes, and we all usually make the same mistakes.” - Kelly Shoup

In today’s episode, Kelly is talking about the top mistakes that almost every mom makes. But she isn’t telling us how to fix them today: We’re simply slowing down and creating an awareness around these incredibly common and definitely fixable parenting blunders. So give yourself grace, Mama. Even Kelly has struggled with these!

Five of the most common parenting mistakes:

We leave God out of our parenting
We think our mindset alone can fix everything
We have unrealistic expectations around the time it will take to change a habit/routine
We have unknown expectations for our husbands
We are not using the complete toolbox that God has given us

Aside from these five mistakes, Kelly also explains why you are more easily triggered by your kids, and why it’s good to model healthy apologies for your children. If you’d like more help from Kelly, check out the links below!

Kelly Links

Ep. #36 - College Newbie Calamities

Wed, 22 Mar 2023 21:26:13 GMT

In this episode Kelly pauses from the normal topics of preschool aged children and moves ahead in the timeline to college aged kids. Kelly helps parents understand how to best maintain a healthy relationship with these older children that now have independence, critical thinking and are the stages of choosing their own life.

“We don't actually want to undo all that independence and critical thinking and authenticity… we work so hard to get them to that stage.” - Kelly Shoup

Oh, boy: College. Parents spend years working to raise their child to be independent adults… and then it happens. College freshmen can be particularly attached to their new-found freedom, and today Kelly is helping you handle those moments when the newest adult in your family starts trying to make his independence known over that first Christmas break.

First, Kelly is reassuring you - the level of independence that your freshman is exhibiting is exactly right for his age and stage of life. He’s been living outside of the home for about four months, he’s been doing it well, and he’s trying to maintain his autonomy. Kelly has a few tips for dealing with this unique time in your child’s life:

Release some control. He’s very protective of his new-found independence this year, and he will defend it.
Congratulate him! He’s been adulting on his own, and he deserves to be recognized for his efforts and successes.
Try this question: “How can I love you better?”
Be willing to compromise on your expectations.
He might not give you all the info you want - that’s okay.
Offer support - he’s an adult, but he may still need your help.

Incorporate these tips into this first break with your adult child, and you’ll be laying the groundwork for a fruitful relationship with him for the rest of his adult life.

Kelly Links

Ep. #35 - Yikes! Playing is a Disaster

Tue, 21 Mar 2023 13:43:17 GMT

Play is important for kids and for parents. Kelly takes this episode to open up the world of play and the role that is plays in the parent-child relationship. She gives practical tips on how to make play better and explain the importance of playing with our children.

“I want your kids to authentically have you play again. No agenda: just to learn and connect with them. This is how your kids trust you.” - Kelly Shoup

Have you tried to play with your kids, and failed miserably? In this episode, Kelly is addressing some of the challenges with play, and why parents tend to feel out of their depth when they begin to engage their children this way. And she’s starting with a very comforting point: you’re not bad at playing. You just haven’t had time to hone the skill. As we became adults, our time to play became shorter, and we got less practice. Relearning how to play may take some time, but trust Kelly - the discomfort is worth the result.

Today, she is offering three tools to help make play easier for parents. First, she’s encouraging moms to shift out of their mindsets and into their hearts. Secondly, think fun: don’t say “time to play!” in the same tone as you say, “pick up your dirty clothes!” And finally: fail forward. It’s okay for all of this to feel uncomfortable and vulnerable. As a little bonus, Kelly is also offering suggestions for group play that both kids and adults will love. You don’t want to miss these gems!

A few housekeeping rules:

Don’t play a game just to teach them a skill, or manipulate them into doing chores under the guise of play: playtime needs to be pure recreation and trust-building connection.
Be fully present: put down your phone, and turn off the TV.
Admit to your kids when you don’t know how to play the game - they’ll love showing you, and you’ll be modeling humility for them.
Kids do the same thing over and over because they’re either learning something new or they’re comforted by familiarity. Let them do it.
Be sincere and specific in your compliments - it will build their self-confidence at home, and they will take that into the world.

Kelly Links

Ep. #34 - How to Play Over the Holidays

Tue, 21 Mar 2023 13:29:56 GMT

Does play sound like a waste of time? Does it sound like work? Do you even know how to play? In today’s episode, Kelly is talking all about play - not only its role in your child’s life, but also the role it has in your own life as an adult, and even what God Himself has to say about play. Today, Kelly is sharing three ways for parents to reconsider play during this holiday season.

“You’re the magic. You’re the secret sauce in that play that they want.” - Kelly Shoup

In the first part of this episode, Kelly is discussing God’s role in play. When God rested on the seventh day, it wasn’t because He was tired - He was being a good parent, and modeling for us what we need to be happy and healthy. Secondly, Kelly is talking about how play is a child’s job: when a child plays, he’s learning. When you observe the way he plays - his limitations, his growing abilities, etc. - you’re learning who your child is now and how he’s changed over the past months. Thirdly, Kelly is encouraging you to play. Show your child what it means to enjoy every age and stage of your life by pursuing your own recreational loves.

Does your child like to sprint across the yard as fast as she can, or would she rather meander and look at bugs? Being with her as she plays can give you insights into who she is that you won’t get any other way. The work you do as a parent to keep the family and home running smoothly is important, but playing with your children allows them to connect with you in the only way that they know how to connect. And if you’re worried that it will take too much time or needs to be intensely active, don’t be: ten minutes of pointing out clouds that look like ice cream cones and turtles can be enough for your child to feel connected with you. So the next time your child tugs on your pant leg, take it as an invitation from God to relax for a few minutes, and go play.

Kelly Links

Ep. #33 - How-Tos for a Better Holiday - Part II: Holidays at Home

Tue, 21 Mar 2023 13:24:32 GMT

In this second part of Kelly's series on How-Tos for a Better Holiday, Kelly focuses on ways to make parents and children have a better home-based holiday experience. With communication, allowing children to have a say and parents having presence with their children, the holidays at home can be a wonderful time.

“The magic of Christmas is you: your presence.” - Kelly Shoup

Welcome back to the Making Sense of Parenting podcast! In the last episode, Kelly talked about multiple ways to improve the holidays when you’re traveling with young children. Today, Kelly is showing you how to improve your holiday experience right in your own home. She begins with the foundation of any good relationship: communication.

As moms, we have our to-do list so firmly implanted in our minds, that sometimes we don’t realize that no-one else knows the plan. Kelly is encouraging moms to communicate all of the family holiday events clearly, whether verbally or through sticky-notes. But don’t just communicate the schedule - let’s talk boundaries, too! Are you changing up your routine this holiday season? Will it be affecting your attendance at a family member’s event? Let them know well in advance, to remove any last-minute drama from your holiday experience.

Should you bring homemade cookies to an event, or settle for store-bought? Is it okay to visit Santa Claus with your little ones? Kelly is helping you create a holiday that caters to the age and stage of your children this year, instead of hoping for a holiday that is only possible with older kids. Let your five-year-old give her teacher the brownies she made, even if she forgot to put the egg in the recipe. Let your toddler decorate the bottom half of the tree with homemade ornaments. Let your three-year-old wrap a gift his own way. Embrace the mess!

But most of all? Be present. Let your children know that you’re really there, seeing them, hearing them, loving them right where they are, in all their child-like glory. It’s the best Christmas gift you can give them.

Links

Ep. #32 - How-Tos for a Better Holiday - Part I: Traveling Over the Holidays

Tue, 21 Mar 2023 13:10:50 GMT

Are you traveling with young children over the holidays? Then this episode is for you! Today, Kelly is offering tips to parents who feel nervous about traveling with young kids, and it all begins with managing expectations. Where are you traveling? How long are you staying? How old are your kids? A successful trip hinges on the answers to these and other questions that Kelly is asking you today.

“I don’t call it a vacation… I like to call it a memory-making adventure.” - Kelly Shoup

‘Vacation’ implies relaxation - maybe the first way to improve your expectations is to replace that word with a more accurate term, like “memory-making adventure.” Kelly also suggests that you keep the environment similar to your usual environment at home. Rent a house rather than a hotel room. Keep your child’s nap schedule intact. Choose a twenty-minute adventure over a day-long escapade. Feed the kids meals they already know and love. It might be more work, but if your child’s sensory system is at peace, you as the parent will enjoy the experience so much more.

Did you know that there are websites that will rent baby gear? Simplify your packing and enhance the ease of your trip by renting strollers and highchairs when you arrive at your destination! In every endeavor, take the ages and stages of your kids into consideration: talk with your spouse and create a plan that respects their needs and limitations. And communicate beforehand with your loved ones! Does Grandma want you to attend eight events? Explain your limitations and tell her that you’ll prioritize her top two. Does a long-lost college friend want you to drive over and visit with her? Ask her to come to you over naptime, to heighten your chances of getting those quality conversations you’re both craving. It is completely possible for the parents of young children to enjoy a trip - it just requires a little bit of creative pre-gaming.

Travel Links

Links

Ep. #31 - Ways to Foster Inclusion and Ease this Thanksgiving

Tue, 21 Mar 2023 13:04:56 GMT

Happy Thanksgiving! Today, Kelly is discussing some best practices surrounding holiday prep, and giving parents concrete ways to foster inclusion among their children and to ease the burden of hosting events with little ones. If you’re worried about the holidays, fear not: Kelly is offering achievable pre-game strategies for the season - or any other big event with kids!

“The imperfections make it perfect.” - Kelly Shoup

As parents, we want the perfect Thanksgiving: we imagine swirling cursive name cards and perfectly baked pies. But for just a moment, ask Martha Stewart to take a back seat and imagine your six-year-old’s pipe-cleaner napkin rings, or the backwards P on Grandpa’s name card. Picture a Thanksgiving where your four-year-old tells the guests where to put their purses and coats, and the paper placemats are decorated with stickers and a child’s little gratitudes. Is it possible that the memory of the messiness might someday be more important than the crisp white tablecloths and tapers you’ve seen in magazines?

Kelly isn’t just thinking about kid crafts, though. She also has great tips on communicating the needs of your children with your family and friends, discussing health issues or expectations beforehand, and how to gently correct a child’s mistakes without embarrassing her in front of guests. In this one episode, Kelly is offering you the recipe for a perfectly imperfect Thanksgiving - one that you’ll savor for years to come.

Links

Ep. #30 - Is it a Sensory Thing or a Behavioral Thing or Both?

Tue, 21 Mar 2023 12:55:29 GMT

In today’s episode, Kelly is asking the question: is your child’s meltdown a sensory issue or a behavioral issue? Here’s the short answer: it’s both. Beginning with dictionary definitions of “behavior” and “sensory,” Kelly is defining the link that inevitably exists between what a child senses and how he expresses it physically. Once this link is understood, both the parent and the child are equipped to show up well in their interactions with each other and the world.

“We aren’t going for ‘perfect:’ we’re going for ‘pretty good’ behavior.” - Kelly Shoup

Listen in as Kelly describes the many, many ways that the sensory system is processing information. She explains the way the nervous system informs the sensory system, and how each of our brains is hardwired to receive information in a unique way. Even the extent of our life experience can impact the way our sensory system responds to stimuli. A sensory-seeking child may look like he’s misbehaving, but he’s just trying to regulate himself in the only way he knows how.

To highlight these points, Kelly creates a scenario - you want to connect with your friend at a high school football game, and you’re bringing your inexperienced three-year-old with you. Here are three questions to ask yourself: 1. What is the objective? (Connecting with your friend? Exposing your child to football?) 2. How is your child’s interoceptive sense? (Has he slept recently? Eaten? Is he warm enough?) 3. What is his sensory profile? (Is he more sensitive in sight? Hearing? Touch?) With Kelly’s guidance, this episode is an excellent opportunity for parents to learn the ways they can help their child behave well, while also achieving their own personal objective: watching high school football with a good friend.

Links

Ep. #29 - Are You Controlling or Creating Connection?

Fri, 17 Mar 2023 17:57:55 GMT

Today, Kelly is asking parents this question: Are you operating from control or creating connection in your relationships with your children? And if the answer was “operating from control,” no judgement! But you’re definitely going to want to hear this episode - it’s a good one.

“God created (your children) to want their own independence, to want a choice, to want a say, to live from their uniqueness.” - Kelly Shoup

Welcome to Episode 29 of the Making Sense of Parenting Podcast. As moms, we have a natural ability to keep track of multiple things at once - schedules, appointments, menus, illnesses - but this ability can initiate a tendency to control everything. Control is an action born from fear, and it causes kids to push back and fight harder for their God-given need for autonomy. Throughout this episode, Kelly is inviting moms and dads both to release a moment of control to discover a lifetime of connection with their kids.How does controlling feel in your body? What if you could inspire the behavior you want through connection, instead of condemning the behavior you don’t want through consequences? Kelly talks about the behavior that society demands of very young children, who are not naturally made to behave perfectly all of the time. She emphasizes the importance of the ages three to eight, and explains that connection helps you enjoy the entire process of your parenting journey: not just the result. With helpful tips on implementing connection and a quick sketch of what the first few weeks of implementation might look like, this is the best episode for the exhausted parent who is longing for more peace in parenting.

Links

Ep. #28 - The Heart of Parenting

Wed, 15 Mar 2023 12:59:32 GMT

In this episode Kelly looks to the true heart of parenting and the very unique and God-given role that a mother plays in raising children.

“There are more neural pathways going from the heart up to the brain than the brain to the heart.”

Do you ever think that your heart has a mind of its own? You might be surprised to learn that you’re not far from the truth. In this episode, Kelly is explaining what the brain and the heart have in common, and how that very trait can lead heads and hearts in different directions in parenting. And if you’re a mom listening to this episode, Kelly has a special appeal to you: be open to working from your heart instead of your head. It’s your God-given, feminine superpower.

Have you heard of heart coherence and heart connection? Kelly explains why these qualities of the heart are vital to parenting, and encourages mothers to explore what this might mean in their interactions with their children. What if you shifted your parenting from control to connection? How might that change your daily experience with your children?

In a world that is constantly feeding our brains with information on how to raise our children, it is easy to lose sight of what our hearts might be trying to tell us. What if you weren’t parenting like that mom on Instagram or the author of that parenting book? What if you were parenting like YOU? What if your natural temperament and tendencies were what your children needed?

This episode is a beautiful opportunity to explore the possibilities of your own unique version of parenting. From Bible verses to practical tips, Kelly is ready with a wealth of wisdom for the parent who is ready to shift the weight of parenting from the head to the heart.

Links

Ep. #27 - Trouble Making Sense of Your Child’s Behavior? Part VII: Interoceptive Sense

Tue, 14 Mar 2023 19:24:00 GMT

This episode is the seventh and final part of the Trouble Making Sense of Your Child's Behavior series. Kelly digs into the lesser known interoceptive sense or internal body awareness.

“I've been helping parents with what the sensory system looks like for over twenty years, so we can pretty quickly collect clues from how your child is acting.” - Kelly Shoup

Welcome to Part 7 of the Sensory System series! Today, Kelly is discussing the final sense - the interoceptive sense, otherwise known as internal body awareness. Are you hot, cold, itchy, thirsty, hungry, or full? Your interoceptive sense is speaking to you! Does your child tell you that they need to go to the bathroom, while simultaneously having an accident? Then this episode is for you: today, Kelly is teaching you how to work with a child who may have some limitations in their interoceptive sense.

Parents will ask Kelly, “Is this a sensory issue or a behavioral issue?” The truth is, a sensory issue can become a behavioral issue. A child who becomes used to wetting the bed accidentally may start accepting that they wet the bed every night, and stop trying to get up and go to the potty. This sense can also affect emotional regulation: a child who can’t feel that they need to go to the bathroom might also not be able to articulate that they’re feeling scared or anxious, which could lead to emotional outbursts. Does your child seem invincible? Maybe they scrape their knee and handle it like a champ, but then a tickle fight leads to tears. Again, the interoceptive sense may have a kink that needs to be worked out.

Listen in as Kelly explains how the interoceptive sense affects self-regulation - that constant struggle for all humans to get to a place where they feel calm and safe. She’s also explaining the connection between the nervous system and the sensory system, and why both need to be in a good place before a child can engage well in their daily life.

If the situations discussed in this episode sound familiar, check out the links below! Kelly is ready and waiting to be your guide on this journey with your kiddo.

Links

Ep. #26 - Trouble Making Sense of Your Child’s Behavior Part VI: Taste and Smell

Tue, 14 Mar 2023 13:32:54 GMT

In this episode Kelly continues the series on Trouble Making Sense of Your Child's Behavior. In part VI, Kelly tackles the taste and smell sensory system of children.

“God put them here for His purpose for them, and they are

built with an automatic system to keep them safe.” - Kelly Shoup

Welcome to Part 6 of the Sensory System series! Today, Kelly is talking about two closely-connected senses: taste and smell. She’s not only explaining the sensitivities behind your child’s behavior toward food and smells, but she’s also offering multiple solutions and strategies to face these behaviors with confidence. By the end of this podcast, you will feel equipped to be a parent who knows how to work in collaboration with who your child truly is. And these actions won’t just improve yours and your child’s life now: they’ll pay dividends throughout your child’s adult life.

Most of us were told as children to “Eat everything on your plate, or else!” But Kelly is turning this popular reprimand on its head and explaining why it’s actually wiser not to make your child eat food they don’t want to eat. She’s also discussing why fresh baked cookies sell houses, how over-responders and under-responders react to taste and smell, and why you might want to ask Grandma to blow out her scented candles.

The final moments of the podcast are a treasure-trove of wisdom, as Kelly shares multiple tips and tricks to keep your sensitive kiddo feeling safe and seen by you. From choosing the best time to expose them to new scents and flavors, to advocating for them while you’re visiting family and friends, you’ll learn to be the superhero they need you to be. And if that doesn’t interest you, at least stick around to hear about “snake bites” and “no-thank-you bites.” It’s definitely worth it!

Reach out to Kelly!

Monthly Membership (This includes a food webinar to help you with the sensitivities discussed in this podcast.)

Ep. #25 - Trouble Making Sense of Your Child’s Behavior Part V: Touch/Tactile Sense

Mon, 13 Mar 2023 18:32:01 GMT

Continuing the Trouble Making Sense of Your Child's Behavior series, Kelly moves to Part V and focuses on the Touch/Tactile sense of children.

“Kids need to know that they can count on their parents to have their needs met, to feel safe. ” -Kelly Shoup

Do you feel like your child’s behavior is out of control? In today’s episode, Kelly is discussing the sense of touch, and how it relates to your child’s behavior. Believe it or not, this isn’t a behavioral issue: your child is simply learning to regulate their sensory system. And the good news? You can help them accomplish that with a few simple adjustments.

Does your son leave a mess around his mouth after eating? Does your daughter refuse to hug Grandma? Maybe your child is the first boy in several generations who doesn’t want to keep up the family tradition of playing football. Or your daughter acts like a magical Color Run is her personal idea of Hell. Kelly is addressing all of these scenarios, and more.

Beginning with a quick review of the sensory system, Kelly discusses the God-given uniqueness of each child, and explains why touch can be a sensitive area for some children. She also identifies the difference between an over-responder and an under-responder: an insight that can change the outlook of a confused, frustrated parent. Best of all, Kelly has a few simple, practical tips to help you guide your child to interact well with the world around him, effectively eliminating his discomfort while still creatively achieving your own hoped-for goals as a parent.

Reach out to Kelly!

Ep. #24 - Trouble Making Sense of Your Child’s Behavior Part IV: Vestibular/Movement Sense

Mon, 06 Feb 2023 13:17:57 GMT

Continuing the Making Sense of Your Child’s Behavior series, Part IV, Kelly focuses on the vestibular/movement sense. The vestibular sense is linked to the inner ear. As a general rule children’s bodies need more vestibular stimulation or input to their sensory system than adults do. Children who have a “hiccup” with their vestibular system can sometimes be labeled as being a troublemaker, being out of control or needing firmer discipline from the parents. When in reality, the child is simply seeking proper input for that vestibular sense.

The vestibular system contributes to balance and our sense of where the body is in space. The vestibular system works with our auditory and visual inputs, so our eyes and our hearing work to give accurate information to the brain about what the body is doing.

The vestibular needs of a child are in direct relation to whether they are an under-responder or an over-responder with their sensory system. An under-responder (a sensory-seeker) will need more vestibular input, more movement. The over-responder is movement sensitive, so only a small amount of movement is alarming to the nervous system.

Understanding these sensory systems is very important for parents because if something is off in the child’s sensory system it can cause the child to act out with some behavior that is not ill-intentioned but because their body is automatically responding to what is going on inside them. But with the proper understanding and tools, parents can be prepared. Kelly will help give you the information and strategies you need so that you can help your child develop and find the purpose that God has for them.

Reach out to Kelly!

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Ep. #23 - Do You Have a Kid Labeled a Troublemaker?

Thu, 02 Feb 2023 13:41:05 GMT

Continuing the Making Sense of Your Child’s Behavior series, Part III, Kelly focuses on the proprioceptive sense that is crucial in helping to understand and make sense of a child’s behavior. This sense is very important for parents to understand because this particular sense can help parents understand their kids, themselves and even other children if this sense is not a struggle for their own children.

Proprioception refers to the sense or the position of the muscles and joints of our body that enables our brains to know where each of the body parts is and how they are moving. God designed our bodies to be this way and for proprioception to be the way that the nervous system keeps track of and controls the different parts of the body.

Proprioceptive input is considered a “magic pill” that can help any person organize, be calm and be helpful to their nervous system. In addition the proprioceptive sense is the only one that you cannot give too much to.

The proprioceptive sense is seeking heavy work/input into the joints and muscles. These are examples of how that might show itself in a child who is a sensory seeker:

Crashing into people or things
Jumping, climbing, wrestling
Grind teeth
Crack knuckles
Walk on toes
Stomping feet
Preference for tight clothes

There are many ways that a child can be given healthy and safe input for their proprioceptive sense that will give their nervous system what it needs and also keep the child out of trouble.

Understanding the proprioceptive sense is important because if kids are crashing, bumping, invading personal space, these kids so quickly get labeled the bad kid or the troublemaker and when they start to get labeled like that and their nervous system does not receive the help that it needs the child will simply believe they are indeed the bad kid. And that is not what was meant to be.

Reach out to Kelly!

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Ep. #22 - What's Your Over-Under?

Fri, 20 Jan 2023 13:49:00 GMT

In Part II of her series on Making Sense of Your Child’s Behavior, Kelly is talking about the three ways that the sensory system works: over-responsiveness, under-responsiveness, and the just-right point. Understanding the sensory system will heighten your ability to navigate both your own and your child’s behavior.

The body is automatically trying to reach its “just-right” point, but that set point is different for each individual. This is the way God created us, and parents and children will find it easiest to work with the flow that God has created.

Over or under-responsiveness in children can look like misbehavior. Your child is trying to understand and manage what their sensory system needs, but they aren’t equipped to accomplish that task. When parents understand this, they can guide the child through the process, essentially eliminating tantrums.

The set point that every human’s body is trying to get to is also called a sensory threshold. It is where neurochemical changes take place in the brain. There are neurotransmitters that help a person reach their optimum functioning level. You are at your best when you can balance the input that is constantly coming into your sensory system.

For the majority of humans, we’re more or less sensitive in at least one of our senses.

If you are more sensitive, you are an over-responder.
1. A note:
  1. Usually a person is an over-responder in a couple of senses, just-right in others, and potentially an under-responder in the rest.
  2. Because of this, the child’s behavior can be very tricky to understand.
The under-responder is the person who has one or more senses that don’t get enough sensory input to reach the just-right point.
1. They need to see, hear, or smell more.
2. There are two different ways of being under-responders:
  1. Passive Under-Responder
    1. This child gets accused of being lazy, unmotivated, or sluggish.
    2. This child needs more sensory input but doesn’t pursue it.
  2. Sensory-Seeking Under-Responder
    1. This child is very hyper: climbing walls, yelling, slamming into people.
    2. They need more input, and they are ON IT.

God created children like this. Working within the confines that God gave them, parents can acquire the tools to know when their child is going to be overloaded, and respond accordingly. The goal is to set kids up to be able to deal with their own sensory systems well.

Reach out to Kelly!

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Ep. #21 - Having Trouble Making Sense of Your Child's Behavior?

Tue, 17 Jan 2023 13:50:39 GMT

God created humans with a built-in safety mechanism. 95% of what looks like bad behavior is actually a young child trying to make their nervous system feel okay. We know it as self-regulation. As adults, this might come out as clicking a pen, or taking a coffee break.

This episode is Part I of a two-part series on Making Sense of Your Child’s Behavior through the lens of the sensory system. Today, Kelly is talking about the senses of sight and hearing, how they could be affecting your child’s behavior, and how you can help your child.

Vision
- At home
  - Face them towards a plain wall.
  - Offer a minimum amount of toys.
  - Face them away from windows and doors.
  - Give them 10-15 minutes to close their eyes or sit in a dark room.

At the park
- Let them read in the car first.
- Give them sunglasses.
At school
- Give them a ball cap.
- Join Kelly’s monthly membership for more tools.
Know yourself and your child.
- Vision might also be a sensitivity for you as a parent.
- Check out Kelly’s free sensory profile assessment.

Hearing
- Behaviors that may occur include:
  - Running out of a room
  - Refusing to go into a room
- How to help the child:
  - Give them 5-10 minutes to see if they can self-regulate.
  - Try headphones/earplugs/noise-canceling earbuds.
  - Turn on soothing music.
  - Teach your child to give you a signal that means: “Mom, please be quiet.”
  - Get curious! Look for clues and don’t override what your child is saying.

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Sensory Profile Assessment

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Ep. #20 - Are Late Afternoons and Evenings when You Feel like You're Losing Your Mind?

Fri, 13 Jan 2023 14:03:42 GMT

What do the words self-control, self-regulation, self-soothing, and self-care have to do with after-school time, and your child’s out-of-control behavior? That’s exactly what Kelly is addressing in today’s episode.

Self-control
1. Definition: Inhibiting impulses/exercising restraint
2. Every human needs to have the ability to practice self-control.
3. Self-control is STOPPING or NOT doing something.
Self-regulation
1. This is the umbrella over emotional, physical, social, and mental regulation.
2. Definition: being able to identify the causes of the impulse/behavior/feeling in yourself
3. Self-regulation is often DOING something.
4. Self-regulation keeps us in a state of homeostasis.
  1. This can be difficult for young kids to figure out in new or different environments.
  2. They need us to guide them, and to be regulated ourselves.
  3. Be aware of how you self-regulate.
Self-soothing
1. Definition: a tool that humans use to calm or soothe themselves
2. Self-soothing is the first step to learning self-regulation.
  1. Every human has a different pace/rhythm to accomplish this.
  2. Empower kids to do this for themselves.
3. Note about new routines/new sensory stimulation/new rules (ex. new school year)
  1. This can be a lot for a small child to deal with.
  2. These little bodies are exhausted, holding it together all day long.
  3. Home is safe, so the energy they wanted to get out all day comes out when they’re home after school.
  4. Their bodies need time to adjust to the new school routine: give them two weeks to a month.
4. Self-soothing techniques
  1. Sometimes these don’t work in the new environment.
    1. Thumb-sucking
    2. Blanket
    3. Stuffed animal
  2. Help them to find new ways to self-soothe in the new environment.
Self-care
1. Definition: vital things that you need to do in your day that allow you to show up the best that you can, mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally
2. Help kids understand what they need to do every day to show up as their best.
3. Self care for moms is incredibly important.
  1. If you are depleted, you don’t have the ability to support everyone else in your world.

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Ep. #19 - What's Allowed or the Right Thing to Say or Do in Parenting Your Child

Fri, 13 Jan 2023 13:47:19 GMT

On today’s show, Kelly is talking about four things that are absolutely allowed and good for you to do as a parent.

Two Disclaimers:

She operates from a foundation of Faith and a baseline of purposeful parenting.
1. God made us unique
2. God created us for a purpose
She is playing a long game.

What is Allowable in Parenting?

Redefine success.
1. It can change minute by minute.
2. There’s no bottom line.
Let your child experience upset/discomfort/awkwardness.
1. There is not a single human who does not experience these things.
2. Parent in a way that gives your child exposure to these experiences.
Hold boundaries and discipline your kids.
1. Be as gentle as possible to get the desired behavior.
2. Sometimes parents have to be firm.
3. Motivate positively if possible.
4. Change tactics to fit each specific child at each specific age.
5. Gentle parenting is not pushover or “put-off” parenting.
6. Never give your child a choice on their punishment: You decide.
7. Physically remove your child from a situation if necessary.
You can get support.
1. Get support early and often.
2. Be open to getting support in different ways.

Parenting doesn’t have to feel good or look perfect to be done correctly.

Get in touch with Kelly!

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Ep. #18 - Ways Your Children Experience Being Seen & Heard Without You Being in the Room

Fri, 13 Jan 2023 13:32:01 GMT

Do you ever feel guilty because you can’t be everywhere and do everything for all the people you care about and love? Maybe you don’t feel guilty, but you feel frustrated, overwhelmed, or downright exhausted.

Today, Kelly is going to give you some strategies to help your kids experience being seen and heard without you even needing to be in the room.

Keeping some of the art projects, pictures, and figurines your kids have made.
1. Let them be seen.
2. This sends the message to your child: “I matter.”
A Communication Box
1. This is a place where your kids can leave you a note when you aren’t there.
  1. Set the expectation up front.
  2. A communication box gives you a chance to think about your response.
Leave a sticky note!
1. Notice something they did well, or tell them you’re looking forward to exclusive time with them.
2. Ask them, “What do you want me to know about you today?”
3. Give them a choice of how to spend your time together.
4. Notice something they did well that was small, or hidden.
  1. When your kids know you see them doing helpful things, they feel good.
  2. It inspires kids to want to help more.
5. Put a note under their pillow.
  1. Tell them you had fun with them.
  2. Tell them they made you laugh.
  3. Let them help you in some way.

Want to connect with Kelly? Check out the links below!

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Ep. #17 - Back to School Behaviors That Backfire

Fri, 13 Jan 2023 13:20:04 GMT

In today’s episode, Kelly is addressing three back-to-school behaviors that frequently backfire.

Over-enthusiasm
1. Mom thinks, “I’m going to have some free time!”
2. Your child may be dreading the upcoming school year.
3. Don’t negate how they’re feeling by your exuberance.
4. Offer to talk to the teacher if necessary.
5. Note about preschoolers: moderate your expectations.
  1. 2-year-olds: parallel play
  2. 3-4 year-olds: associative play
New is Fun
1. This may not be true, especially for a child with more sensory needs.
2. Be mindful: even new clothes could cause sensory alarms.
3. We want them to feel comfortable during their first week of school.
4. Don’t try to introduce new foods into their lunches during the first few weeks.
Schedule
1. Most parents are excited about the new schedules.
  1. New school schedule
  2. New home schedule
  3. New extracurriculars
2. Don’t start all the new schedules at the same time as the school schedule.
3. A new school year is taxing on a child’s body.
4. Your child may need to release pent-up energies after school.

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Ep. #16 - Could You Be Contributing To Your Child's Bad Behavior By Creating Confusion?

Fri, 13 Jan 2023 12:56:34 GMT

In today’s episode, Kelly is diving into three ways that parents often create confusion for their children, as well as three ways that parents can combat that confusion.

To start this podcast episode, Kelly offers a brief overview of human systems and behaviors: particularly how they pertain to children. She reminds her listeners that each human being is unique, so the way a child needs to hear his/her parents’ message will be unique to that child.

Three ways parents are contributing to confusion:

Communication - Words
1. Mom threatens, but doesn’t follow through - this is confusing to children.
2. Young kids need the message to be simple: fewest possible words.
3. Please, thank you, I’m so proud of you: Finish the statement.
  1. When you say “good job!” tell them exactly why you’re saying it.
    1. You did a good job taking the trash out!
    2. I’m so proud of you, because…
  2. This helps your child feel seen, heard, and validated.
4. Our words and our actions need to add up.
  1. Focus on connection, not instant compliance.
  2. Communicate with teachers about how you’re handling communication with your child.
Boundaries
1. Words and actions have to go together.
2. Have boundaries and hold them: this builds trust with your kids.
3. Avoid mixed messages -don’t punish and then give a treat.
4. Non-verbal body language is confusing if it doesn’t match the words the parent is saying.
  1. Give kids the vocabulary of different emotions.
Husband and Wife Are Not On The Same Page
1. Parents should be on the same page about everything for each child.
  1. Schedule
  2. Discipline
  3. Goals
2. Find simple ways to talk to kids.

Here are Kelly’s three suggestions for combating the confusion:

Check out her monthly membership.
Consider 1-on-1 coaching for 10 weeks.
Learn your own sensory profile.

Connect with Kelly!

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Ep. #15 - Why You Should Allow Your Kids to be Naughty

Tue, 10 Jan 2023 14:28:54 GMT

Today, Kelly is admitting that she likes to let kids be naughty, and she’s sharing two ways that it’s beneficial for you and for your child when you allow mischief to occur. She also shares several real-life examples - including her own childhood experience! - to emphasize how giving children the freedom to be “naughty” can help them understand themselves in a deeper way.

Two Ways That Naughtiness Is Beneficial:

It is healthy, normal growth and development.
1. 3-8 year-olds are expanding in multiple ways.
2. They’re experiencing independence.
3. It’s how God wired them to grow.
4. Most kids don’t intend harm: they’re learning and curious.
5. There are similarities in ages and stages, but there is a uniqueness to each child.
6. They’re learning cause and effect, and how they impact the environment.
7. It helps kids figure out if something is right for them.
8. Some kids are rule followers.
  1. These kids need help learning to break rules, to teach them adaptability and that it’s okay to be imperfect.
When we create a safe way for them to be naughty, we do not get unexpected explosions of naughtiness.
1. Kids are learning how to handle emotions.
2. We can create ways to help them release frustration without leading to disaster in a social setting.
3. Young children can’t be expected to function perfectly for long periods of time without melting down.
4. If you give your kids little outlets for their emotions, you’ll avoid the explosions and outbursts.
And now… Creative ways to let your kids feel like they’re being mischievous!
1. Crazy car chase!
2. Allow your child to use a hole punch/sharpie/stapler.
3. Eat ice cream before dinner.
4. Use a loaf of bread like playdough.
5. Pillow fights on the bed
6. Bubbles inside the house
7. Let them jump in the pool with their clothes on.

Connect with Kelly!

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Ep. #14 - How Has Covid Affected Small Children

Tue, 10 Jan 2023 13:43:25 GMT

In today’s show, Kelly addresses the effects of the Covid lockdowns on children, beginning with three common responses she saw from parents concerning Covid.

Denial
- These parents insist, “We’re done, we’re moving on, it’s over.”
Fear and Anxiety
- These parents are prone to a negative, downward spiral.
- The parent’s energy and stress transfer to the child.
The Proactive Parent
- This is the parent Kelly is focusing on in this episode.
- This response is about adjusting to new situations.

Covid has impacted children in many areas, and throughout this episode, Kelly breaks down each area through her professional lens.

Areas Impacted By Covid:

Academic Skills

Kids are not where they are supposed to be, academically.
Zoom was not effective.
There is a body/brain connection - optimal learning happens when children can move and be emotionally engaged, which was impossible during Covid.

Social/Emotional Skills

During the ages of 3-8 years-old, children are learning social cues, facial expressions, eye contact, and connection.
Masks confused this process: you cannot have a personal connection while talking through a shield.
This lack of connection and disruption of academic standards has caused an increase of frustration and negative behaviors at home and at school.

Increase in Mental Health Issues

Currently, records of mental health issues are off the charts.
Parents are working full-time jobs while being full-time parents and full-time teachers.
This has impacted the peace and harmony of the family.

Deficit in Physical Skills

Many kids have experienced a decrease in energy and vibrancy.
Zoom exhausted kids.
They are no longer sitting correctly.
There has been an even greater decrease in fine motor skills.
1. Because of technology, we were already seeing a decline in the ability to cut, hold a pencil, and sit up with appropriate core strength before Covid.
Some kids didn’t learn at all, or learned incorrectly.
A lot of teachers don’t acknowledge that there are significant deficits.
Some kids in middle school continued to wear the mask after mandates were lifted because they learned to hide behind it.
There were deficits in the sensory system: during Covid, kids needed to learn new ways to regulate their sensory systems.

If you’re dealing with Covid deficits and would like some help, please reach out to Kelly: she has wonderful options to get you the support and tools you need!

Coaching Package

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Ep. #13 - Parenting is Like Running a Marathon

Fri, 06 Jan 2023 14:09:04 GMT

Parenting is like running a marathon. It takes endurance, strength, and a whole lot of faith to make it along that journey.

On today’s show, Kelly is diving into five reasons why it might make sense for you to work with her on a longer-term, one-on-one basis while you run this life-changing marathon.

Five Reasons Why You Might Want Kelly’s Help Long-Term:

You have two or more major stressors happening at once.
1. For example:
  1. You just moved to a new town AND have a new baby.
  2. You’re going through a divorce AND introducing a child to a new school.
2. Situations like these can contribute to a child feeling unsettled and unsafe.
Your child has been exhibiting behavior for a long time that is not age-appropriate.
1. Ex. Your eight-year-old has been having extreme tantrums for two years.
There is a really sensitive, complicated situation.
1. Ex. Your child has a unique disease.
There are multiple professionals involved.
1. This can include speech therapists, teachers, learning specialists, tutors, school administration, and even grandparents.
2. Kelly will ensure that the child is receiving support from every other professional involved in the environment.
You have a family that has multiple ages in multiple stages.
1. Kelly can help you navigate family dynamics, sibling conflicts, etc.
2. Why was last week great and this week isn’t?

If you’re interested in working with Kelly long-term, check out:

10 one-on-one sessions with Kelly

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Ep. #12 - How to Use Discipline Effectively with Your Young Kids

Fri, 06 Jan 2023 13:47:00 GMT

Ahh… the dreaded D word: discipline. Today, Kelly is offering tools to discipline effectively in every situation. However, the tools she offers are based on these two absolutes:

First, every child is unique. Many parents want one kind of discipline that will work for all of their children, but discipline is not “one size fits all”: it should be unique to each child.

Second, discipline should change as a child grows. A time-out may be effective for a four-year-old, but not for a fourteen-year-old.

Based on these Two Absolutes, Kelly is offering five tactics for effective discipline.

Mindset
1. You have to be in the right mindset to be effective in your parenting.
2. You’ve got to be firm, consistent, and constant.
3. Focus: spend dedicated time on the discipline issue you want to correct.
4. Discipline should be “as soft as you can, as much as you need.”
5. If you threaten, follow through: don’t confuse your kids.
6. Kids need firm boundaries to feel safe.
7. Create effective, efficient, unique-to-my-child discipline.

Connect
1. Speak about your children using positive words.
2. Connection is key - when you connect with your child, they become open and receptive.

Family Meeting
1. Let your kids know the plan.
2. Give them a chance to suggest ways that they can show up well.
3. Family meetings help your kids feel heard, even if you aren’t able to give them what they want.

These first three steps (mindset, connection, and family meeting) are all pre-game strategies. If you address these areas beforehand, you establish trust with your child before the issues arise, and harsh discipline won’t be necessary.

Explain the Plan

The Carrot
1. Work with positive motivators.

Choose this thought: I’ve established boundaries and will hold firm, so that I can allow for flexibility.
1. Be firm in your boundaries, but flexible in how you achieve them.

Rules for Negatively Disciplining
1. Sometimes, even with all the prior steps, you still need to enact negative discipline. In that case:
  1. Make the discipline unique to that child.
  2. Understand that it needs to grow and change with him/her.

Here are three ways to connect with Kelly:

The Empowered Parent: Monthly Membership Program

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Ep. #11 - Safe Kids: Part 2

Thu, 05 Jan 2023 14:07:56 GMT

Welcome to Part II in our two-part series on Safe Kids. In this episode, Kelly is discussing the one thought that will be a game-changer for the safety of your children. She then dives into three different scenarios to expound upon this point.

Most kids and adults think that the adult needs to protect the child at all times. This needs to be shifted. There are various situations when the child is capable of getting to safety without an adult’s help, and parents need to teach these skills to their children. And that’s where Kelly’s game-changing thought comes in. Ready? Here it is:

Protect kids by empowering them!!

First Scenario - Protecting your child at home.
1. Teach your child that they can remove themselves from a room that feels “unsafe.”
  1. Is it too loud?
  2. Is the movie too scary?
  3. Are there too many visitors?
  4. Did something upset you?
2. Help your child find a spot in the house that can be their “safe spot.”
Second Scenario - Protecting your child at the park.
1. Have a quick huddle-up when you first arrive at the park to establish a plan.
  1. Tell the kids to look for you occasionally while they’re playing.
  2. Make a plan in case they DON’T see you when they look up.
    1. Look for another mom with kids and ask her for help.
    2. Look for a security guard/police officer.
Third Scenario - Protecting your child in an unfamiliar place.
1. Have a quick huddle-up to establish a plan.
  1. Remind them to keep an eye on Mom.
  2. Tell the young ones that it’s their “job” to keep an eye on Mom.
2. A note about swimming pools:
  1. Do not send your child to a pool with anyone but you, if you do not have a child who can swim at least 30 feet independently.
  2. Even good swimmers can struggle if they get confused.

Link from today’s show:

Check out Kelly’s website

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Ep. #10 - Safe Kids: Part 1

Thu, 05 Jan 2023 13:51:56 GMT

Today is the first episode in a two-part series about keeping your kids safe. In this episode, Kelly reviews the crisis of violence in schools and discusses ways to keep your children safe in an unpredictable world. Namely, she suggests three ways to create a safe space for your children… and it doesn’t actually start at home!

Three Elements to Creating a Safe Space - Even in the Car

Connection
1. Your car after school is a safe space for your kids to connect with you.
2. Connection - not control - is core to a healthy relationship.
3. Without connection to their parents, kids do not feel safe.
4. From ages 3-8, kids are wired to connect with their parents: this is how lifelong trust is built.
5. Kids will try to connect with you in positive ways, like hugging, or negative ways, like misbehavior, just to try to feel safe.
Accept and Expect
1. You will get your child’s worst: the unloading of emotions and energy.
2. A child who is doing well in school is exhausted by the effort and needs a release.
3. Let yourself be a safe space for them to release their pent-up energy and emotions: you are unconditional love to them.
4. Unloading is okay - disrespect is not.
5. Model unloading overflow in a healthy way for them: Ex. Taking a walk so you don’t lose your own temper.
Dialogue about Emotions
1. Talk to them about all of the emotions, positive or negative.
2. Process your own emotions out loud, so they can hear you do it in a healthy way.
3. Be honest if you’re upset, in order to normalize that emotion for them.
4. Show them that emotions are neutral: the actions are either good or bad.
5. Check out Brene Brown’s book, Atlas of the Heart.
6. If parents don’t acknowledge their own angry feelings, kids won’t feel safe to express their negative emotions to their parents.

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Ep. #9 - How to Get Out of Overwhelm

Thu, 05 Jan 2023 13:25:10 GMT

Do you ever feel overwhelmed? On today’s podcast, Kelly is talking about overwhelm and how to help you reach a smoother, struggle-free path with your kids.

How to Get Out of Overwhelm:

Brain dump
1. Grab a pen and write down your thoughts.
2. Write down expectations you have.
3. Write out your own memories of childhood.
Finish this statement: If I had it all my way…
1. Look at these statements and see where you can get support.
Transition time
1. After the brain dump, choose several things you truly want to accomplish.
2. Ask for what you need.
3. Find a community of moms.
4. Prioritize self-care.

Would you like to work with Kelly?

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Ep. #8 - Why Parenting Doesn't Have to be a Power Struggle

Thu, 05 Jan 2023 13:00:42 GMT

In today’s episode, Kelly is addressing the reality that healthy parenting is not about power, control, and instant obedience; we are not made to have power over our kids. We are made to be in community, connection, and partnership with them.

Here are three ways to remove power struggles from parenting:

Choices
1. Give lots of choices about things you care nothing about.
2. Letting them pick inconsequential things will feel like a win to them.
3. We want them to experience freedom.
Freedoms
1. Freedom does not mean all bets are off.
2. We are going to hold very firm boundaries.
3. We want them to know themselves.
4. “Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.” -Prentis Hemphil
5. Let your child have freedom to play within the integrity of your parenting.
Help and Contribution
1. Let your kids help.
2. Helping allows them to think “I get some control here.”
3. Adjust your expectations to the child’s abilities.
Bonus suggestion - Motivate with fun!
1. We are made for abundance.
2. Allow each kid a day to set the schedule, choose the food, the activities, etc.
3. Connect with your kids.

Please share this episode!

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Ep. #7 - How to Finally Get Your Kids to Listen

Thu, 05 Jan 2023 12:48:22 GMT

Do you find yourself repeating yourself over and over again? Do you think your child will never listen? Try this counterintuitive suggestion: talk less, and they will listen more.

How to Get Your Child to Listen Without Unnecessary Words:

Connection
1. Connection is the conduit to cooperation.
2. Connection moves kids from a defensive state to a receptive one.
Music
Alarm Clock
1. Create an environment where your kids can be independent.
Timer
Make a List
1. If your child can’t write, let them draw a picture list.
Race and competition
1. Who can get all the dirty clothes picked up fastest?
2. Carrots over consequences: no empty threats
911 scenario
1. When you need instantaneous obedience:
  - Reconnect
  - Hug
  - Make eye-contact.
  - Understand their needs.
  - Make sure they understand your plan.
Play!
1. Play is hardwired and God-given.
2. “Scientists have determined that it takes approximately 400 repetitions to create a new synapse in your brain, unless it’s done in play, which takes between 10 and 20 repetitions.”
3. The virtue of eutrapelia is the virtue of right recreation.
4. Bring play into whatever they need to do.
5. Play can help parents de-stress.

Click here to book an SOS call with Kelly!

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Ep. #6 - Theology of the Body of Your Child's Tantrums: What the Body Reveals

Tue, 03 Jan 2023 15:08:10 GMT

God designed us to communicate with our bodies first, to “make visible what is invisible,” as JPII said. If your child is throwing a tantrum, he/she is trying to communicate something to you through his/her body.

1st foundation: Who did God make us to be in our bodies?

The body was created to transfer into the visible reality of the world the mystery hidden in it.
In order to reveal ourselves, we have to understand ourselves: that tantrum is data!
Your child is reacting to the systems inside his/her body.
Know your own systems as well!

2nd foundation: God is love.

We’re the only creatures who can make a gift of ourselves to another.
We need to manage ourselves so we can be that gift.

3rd Foundation: Prayer

“Grace does not destroy nature, but perfects it.” - St. Thomas Aquinas
Grace is the change agent.
JPII said there were three key areas to living Theology of the Body:
1. Prayer
2. Eucharist
3. Confession
Invite the Holy Spirit into your parenting.
Be demanding and recollect yourself in prayer.
Moms: pray for the superpowers God gave you!
1. Receptivity
2. Generosity

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Ep. #5 - Five Reasons Why a Parenting Coach Call is the Best Mother's Day Gift

Tue, 03 Jan 2023 14:29:47 GMT

Today, Kelly is debunking five thought errors and explaining why a parenting coach call is the best Mother’s Day gift.

Five Common Thought Errors Among Parents:

How I show up to my child won’t change.
1. There is no child/parent dynamic that can’t be healed.
2. You CAN change.
3. You’ve already changed, adapted, and sacrificed.
I should know how to do this.
1. How?
2. A child’s system is complicated.
3. The sensory systems greatly influence how 3-to-8-year-olds show up.
4. You may need help!
Parenting is ALWAYS going to be hard.
1. You get to do what works for you.
2. Certain stages are more challenging.
3. This is normal, age-appropriate behavior.
I should already be the expert on my child.
1. This is a process.
2. This is God’s design of intentionally growing YOU.
3. An outside perspective can be HUGE to families.
I’m doing this alone.
1. You are NEVER in it by yourself.
2. God is always there.

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Ep. #4 - Instead of Time Out, Try This

Tue, 03 Jan 2023 14:15:23 GMT

In today’s episode, Kelly is offering three alternatives to replace the classic “time-out” approach.

Three Alternatives In Place of Time-Out

Time-In
1. A time-out removes - a time-in invests.
2. Kids seek attention: even negative attention.
3. Initiate connection.
4. Invoke the Holy Spirit!

Time-EN
1. Engage to find out what is going on in their world.
2. Tell them exactly what is going to happen next.

Tune-in
1. Get tuned in to what kids have going on.
2. See their cues of getting tired/frustrated.
3. Let them know that you see and value them.
4. The Lord sees not as man sees. Man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart (1st Samuel 16:7).

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Ep. #3 - The Secret of Trusting God When You Have a Difficult Child

Tue, 03 Jan 2023 13:36:55 GMT

In today’s podcast, Kelly is breaking down ways to help parents trust God when parenting is difficult. Focusing on your personal relationship with God and the power of your own thoughts, Kelly offers simple suggestions to help improve your experiences permanently, regardless of the age and stage of your child.

Key Areas to Help Parents Trust God

Basics about God
- God designed us to rely on Him.
- God designed all humans with the same basic structure, but we are also unique.
- The closest we can get to perfect parenting is by inviting God’s grace into our parenting.
- Because of the Fall, we gravitate to the easiest option: do the opposite!
- Every child is difficult: it’s just a matter of when.

Your Own Thoughts Errors
- Your thoughts matter.
- We are inclined to have thoughts that do not help us in parenting.
- Acknowledge at least two parenting wins every day.
- Choose a more helpful thought.

If you need extra help, reach out: Kelly would be so happy to help you!