I didn’t always cope in healthy ways.

For a long time, what I called “coping” was actually self-destruction in disguise — self-harm, substance use, chaos, and emotional explosions that scared other people… and sometimes scared me too.

When you don’t know how to regulate your brain, you reach for whatever numbs it.

In this episode, I talk honestly about what those years looked like — and what changed after getting clean and coming out of psychosis. Recovery didn’t magically fix my bipolar brain. I had to learn tools. Skills most people aren’t taught.

In this episode I break down:

• How I retrained my brain to challenge negative thought patterns • The 4-4-8 breathing technique and how it activates your nervous system’s “rest and digest” mode • What the vagus nerve actually does — and why long exhales calm racing thoughts • Body scan meditation and progressive muscle relaxation (and how they shift activity away from the amygdala) • How sound baths and slow frequencies can move your brain out of over stimulation • Why cooking and even Call of Duty became healthy grounding tools instead of escapes

Self-destruction feels powerful in the moment. Regulation feels boring.

But boring is stable. And stable is freedom.

If you’re still in the chaos phase, you’re not broken. You just may not have been taught the tools yet.

This episode is about learning them.

In this first episode of Life with a Bi Polar Brain, I’m sharing my story.

From childhood abuse to years of misdiagnosis, addiction, psychosis, and finally receiving the correct Bipolar I diagnosis — this is the full, unfiltered journey.

For years, I was told I had Borderline Personality Disorder. I was prescribed medications that made things worse. I self-medicated. I spiraled. I got clean. I relapsed. I tried again. I experienced full-blown psychosis and was turned away when I asked for help.

It wasn’t until I was properly diagnosed with Bipolar I with mixed features that things finally started to make sense.

Today, I’m 12 years clean and over a decade into my mental health recovery journey. I still live with anxiety. I still do the work. But I am more stable — and more self-aware — than I’ve ever been.

This episode isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about honesty. It’s about resilience. And it’s about what healing really looks like when it isn’t polished or perfect.

If you’ve ever felt misunderstood, misdiagnosed, or alone in your struggle — this one is for you.

A raw, honest podcast about what it’s really like to live with bipolar disorder — the chaos, the clarity, the trauma, the recovery… and yes, the dark humor that gets us through it.

Because sometimes you cry. Sometimes you spiral. And sometimes you laugh at how absurd your own brain can be.

In this trailer, I share why this podcast exists, where I’ve been, and what you can expect moving forward. We’ll talk about misdiagnosis, addiction recovery, mental health, healing, and the messy middle of rebuilding your life — without sugarcoating it.

Real conversations. Real struggles. Real laughter.

If you’ve ever felt misunderstood, mislabeled, or like your brain runs its own reality… you’re not alone here.