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    <title><![CDATA[Breaking Absurdity — Today's Top Headlines That Can't Be Unheard. Brought to you by @ItsNotSatire.]]></title>
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    <description><![CDATA[<p><strong>Everything you didn’t know you needed to know today, but wish you hadn’t. Your welcome.</strong></p><p>We're not a typical newsbrief. @ItsNotSatire's Breaking Absurdity is a podcast that will make you pick your jaw up off the floor, blink twice and ask yourself "am I dreaming? or did that just happen."</p><p><strong><em>Ads keep the lights on. But if ads give you the ick, we’ve got a solution on my </em></strong><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://substack.com/@itsnotsatire?r=2fjd04&amp;utm_medium=ios&amp;utm_source=stories&amp;shareImageVariant=blur"><strong><em>Substack</em></strong></a><strong><em>. Just sign up and pick the ad free podcast option.</em></strong></p><p><em>Did this made you cringe, ugly cry or wonder if you’re dreaming? You’re welcome. Consider thanking me by </em><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://buymeacoffee.com/itsnotsatire"><em>leaving a tip</em></a><em>.</em></p><p>We like to call it absurdity in plain sight. Sometimes the stories seem hidden, but they’re happening right in front of us. You're just "lucky" enough to notice them — the weird detail, the bizarre connection, the part that somehow never makes it into the news brief.</p><p>From politics, Trump, whatever broke the internet and erupted that day, these are the stories that make you laugh (or ugly cry), stare into the middle distance, scream into the void and wonder whether reality has finally given up.</p><p>Delivered like a serious news update, except that it really, really isn’t. Sorry, not sorry. These are the top stories you didn’t know you needed to know. But now you do, and there's no going back. Just the absurdity of the world, presented in plain sight.</p><p>The stories are real. The absurdity is real. And definitely not satire.</p><p>New episodes bring you the headlines, the weird details and the stories that sound completely made up but, regrettably, aren’t.</p><p><strong>Want more absurdity and political chaos in your feed? Get the full version on @ItsNotSatire’s </strong><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://substack.com/@itsnotsatire?r=2fjd04&amp;utm_medium=ios&amp;utm_source=stories&amp;shareImageVariant=blur"><strong>Substack</strong></a><strong>.</strong></p><p>Produced by @ItsNotSatire.</p>]]></description>
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      <title>Breaking Absurdity — Today's Top Headlines That Can't Be Unheard. Brought to you by @ItsNotSatire.</title>
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      <title><![CDATA[Trump’s Fantasyland 911 Lies, 5K Bribes, Air Force One Disaster | Breaking Absurdiity Ep 38]]></title>
      <itunes:title><![CDATA[Trump’s Fantasyland 911 Lies, 5K Bribes, Air Force One Disaster | Breaking Absurdiity Ep 38]]></itunes:title>
      <description><![CDATA[<p><a href="https://rss.com/podcasts/breaking-absurdity-today-s-top-headlines-that-can-t-be-unheard-brought-to-you-by-itsnotsatire/voicemail" target="_blank">Hey! I'd love to hear your thoughts, send me a voice note.</a></p><p>Trump gave a rather extraordinary account of his 9/11 heroics at a Pentagon ceremony this week — apparently two "big, strong" firefighters literally lifted him to safety, which is either the greatest untold story of 9/11 or a complete fabrication, and multiple news outlets are betting on the latter. Meanwhile, his brand-new Qatari-donated Air Force One decided to deploy its own emergency evacuation slide before takeoff, the Republican midterm convention in Dallas featured a giant underwear photo of a left-wing streamer for reasons nobody can quite explain, and Trump is now promising every American a $5,000 "dividend" — but only if Republicans win first. And in Australia, the Prime Minister is facing a corruption scandal so severe it involves forgetting he had a golf membership.</p><p>Ads keep the lights on. But if ads give you the ick, we've got a solution on my <a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://substack.com/@itsnotsatire">Substack</a>. Just sign up and pick the ad free podcast option.</p><p>Did this make you laugh, cringe, or wonder how any of this is real? You're welcome. Consider thanking me by <a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://buymeacoffee.com/itsnotsatire">leaving a tip</a>.</p><p>In Episode 38 of Breaking Absurdity, we investigate Trump's fantastical 9/11 rescue story, Air Force One's own act of protest, the Republican midterm convention's underwear-based messaging strategy, a suspiciously timed Grindr outage, a $5,000 bribe disguised as a "dividend," and Australia's most modest corruption scandal yet.</p><p>Story Rundown:</p><ul><li>Trump's 9/11 Rescue Story — Trump claims two firefighters carried him to safety on 9/11. The claim has been widely debunked, so we reconstructed what probably actually happened — golf cart included.</li><li>Air Force One Has Had Enough — An emergency evacuation slide mysteriously deployed on Trump's Qatari-gifted jet right before a flight to the Republican convention. Officials call it a crew mistake. We have another theory.</li><li>The Republicans Have a Midterm Convention — Dallas hosts the first-ever GOP midterm convention, featuring empty seats, a giant underwear photo of streamer Hasan Piker, and a Grindr outage in the area that's definitely just a coincidence.</li><li>Trump's $5,000 Voter Bribe — Trump announces a "Trump Dividend" of $5,000 per American, conveniently contingent on Republicans winning the midterms.</li><li>Australian Absurdity: The Golf Membership Scandal — Prime Minister Anthony Albanese is under investigation for forgetting he had an honorary golf membership from 15 years ago. Turns out, Australia is really bad at corruption.</li></ul><p>Everything you didn't know you needed to know today, but wish you hadn't.</p><p>📩 Check out my Substack (long-form analysis &amp; exclusives) including ad-free podcast options: 👉 <a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://substack.com/@itsnotsatire">https://substack.com/@itsnotsatire</a></p><p>👍 Like, comment, and share — it genuinely helps the channel grow. Everything you didn't know you needed to know today, but wish you hadn't.</p>]]></description>
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      <title><![CDATA[Trump Boarded Air Force One Blonde. He Got Off a Brunette | Breaking Absurdity Ep 37]]></title>
      <itunes:title><![CDATA[Trump Boarded Air Force One Blonde. He Got Off a Brunette | Breaking Absurdity Ep 37]]></itunes:title>
      <description><![CDATA[<p><a href="https://rss.com/podcasts/breaking-absurdity-today-s-top-headlines-that-can-t-be-unheard-brought-to-you-by-itsnotsatire/voicemail" target="_blank">Hey! I'd love to hear your thoughts, send me a voice note.</a></p><p>Trump boarded his Qatari-donated Air Force One as a blonde and got off in New Jersey as a brunette — a transformation his engineers still haven't explained, though we're guessing it involves either a follicular miracle or a salon nobody's mentioning. Meanwhile, a toddler in Nevada took one look at a presidential rally and made a break for the exit, sparking a chase that should have been the headline but got completely overshadowed by the internet's real question: is that a wig, or a ginger cat? Natalie Harp's ankles are now a case file, Trump wants to rename New Mexico "New America," and the new Space Force uniforms look less like American ingenuity and more like something the Empire would issue.</p><p><strong>Ads keep the lights on. But if ads give you the ick, we've got a solution on my </strong><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://substack.com/@itsnotsatire"><strong>Substack</strong></a><strong>. Just sign up and pick the ad free podcast option.</strong></p><p><strong>Did this make you laugh, cringe, or wonder how any of this is real? You're welcome. Consider thanking me by </strong><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://buymeacoffee.com/itsnotsatire"><strong>leaving a tip</strong></a><strong>.</strong></p><p>In Episode 37 of Breaking Absurdity, we investigate Trump's mysterious mid-flight hair transformation, the full Official Trump Toupee Timeline, the Nevada toddler chase that broke the internet for all the wrong reasons, Natalie Harp Watch's new case file, a plan to rename New Mexico, Space Force's Star Wars villain aesthetic, and a red-flag wedding vow segment that speaks for itself.</p><p><strong>Story Rundown:</strong></p><ul><li><strong>The Brown Hair Era Begins —</strong> Trump boards Air Force One a blonde and disembarks a brunette hours later, and nobody — including us — has a good explanation.</li><li><strong>The Official Trump Toupee Timeline — </strong>A 30-second recap of how we got here, starting in Nevada with the "dead ginger cat" incident and ending on a Qatari 747 mid-air. The full timeline — with every ridiculous detail — is available now to paid Substack subscribers and YouTube Members as part of "Inside the Absurdity."</li><li><strong>The Nevada Toupee Incident —</strong> A toddler flees a stage, a sitting president gives chase mid-Biden-joke, and somehow none of that is what the internet remembers.</li><li><strong>Back to the Present: Welcome to the Brown Hair Era —</strong> The blonde-to-brunette transformation lands, and the internet officially loses its mind.</li><li><strong>Natalie Harp Watch —</strong> A missed golf shot, a gushing reaction, and mysterious ankle bruising add a new case file to the ongoing internet investigation into everything Trump-adjacent.</li><li><strong>New Mexico Becomes New America —</strong> Trump posts an AI-enhanced map suggesting a state rename, then defends it seven more times in one hour.</li><li><strong>The Space Force Uniform —</strong>Trump says it's inspired by Starship Troopers. The internet says it's dressed for the Death Star.</li><li><strong>Australian Absurdity —</strong>The Wedding Vow Red Flag — In lieu of picking on Australia again, a "red flag" segment on how to choose a husband — using the vows a man named Cody said at his own wedding as the cautionary tale.</li></ul><p>Everything you didn't know you needed to know today, but wish you hadn't.</p><p><strong>📩 Check out my Substack (long-form analysis &amp; exclusives) including ad-free podcast options: 👉 </strong><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://substack.com/@itsnotsatire"><strong>https://substack.com/@itsnotsatire</strong></a></p><p><strong>👍 Like, comment, and share — it genuinely helps the channel grow. Everything you didn't know you needed to know today, but wish you hadn't.</strong></p>]]></description>
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      <pubDate>Tue, 08 Sep 2026 10:46:24 GMT</pubDate>
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      <title><![CDATA[Trump Golfs in Ireland and Sends JD Vance to 9:11 | Breaking Absurdity Ep  36]]></title>
      <itunes:title><![CDATA[Trump Golfs in Ireland and Sends JD Vance to 9:11 | Breaking Absurdity Ep  36]]></itunes:title>
      <description><![CDATA[<p><a href="https://rss.com/podcasts/breaking-absurdity-today-s-top-headlines-that-can-t-be-unheard-brought-to-you-by-itsnotsatire/voicemail" target="_blank">Hey! I'd love to hear your thoughts, send me a voice note.</a></p><p>Trump's plans for Air Force One have quietly downgraded — he once "definitely" promised to donate the new jet to his presidential museum, and now it's just "probably," which coincidentally is also how close he was to Jeffrey Epstein. Meanwhile, his engineers can apparently max out Air Force One's security systems but still can't design an umbrella he's able to close, the President is taking that controversial Qatari 747 to Ireland for a golf weekend that happens to overlap with the 9/11 memorial, and JD Vance says he's "really looking forward" to hanging out with Joe Biden in his place.</p><p><strong>Ads keep the lights on. But if ads give you the ick, we've got a solution on my </strong><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://substack.com/@itsnotsatire"><strong>Substack</strong></a><strong>. Just sign up and pick the ad free podcast option.</strong></p><p><strong>Did this make you laugh, cringe, or wonder how any of this is real? You're welcome. Consider thanking me by </strong><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://buymeacoffee.com/itsnotsatire"><strong>leaving a tip</strong></a><strong>.</strong></p><p>In Episode 36 of Breaking Absurdity, we investigate Trump's Air Force One backtrack, his undefeated umbrella, a golf trip to Ireland that skips the 9/11 memorial, a White House explanation with its own revision history, JD Vance's awkward Biden reunion, a 250-foot arch nobody asked for, the return of Melania Watch, and a Vegemite-fueled prison uprising in Australia.</p><p><strong>Story Rundown:</strong></p><ul><li><strong>Air Force One: "Definitely" to "Probably" </strong>— Trump walks back his promise to donate the new Air Force One to his presidential museum, raising fresh questions about the Qatari jet and the Emoluments Clause.</li><li><strong>The Umbrella That Remains Undefeated</strong> — Engineers can max out Air Force One's security systems, but an umbrella Trump can actually close remains out of reach. We have the clip.</li><li><strong>The Qatari 747 Heads to Ireland </strong>— The controversial jet's first international trip is to Trump's own golf course, timed to overlap with the 25th anniversary of 9/11.</li><li><strong>A White House Explanation With a Revision History</strong> — The White House first agreed Trump was skipping the memorial because he wasn't allowed to speak, then denied it 24 hours later.</li><li><strong>JD Vance's Awkward Biden Reunion</strong> — Sent to New York in Trump's place, Vance says he's looking forward to talking with Joe Biden.</li><li><strong>The Arc de Trump</strong> — A 250-foot arch begins construction in Washington in two weeks, despite a lawsuit from Vietnam veterans.</li><li><strong>Melania Watch: Reinstated </strong>— 13 days missing from public view, and now she's skipping next week's Republican midterm convention too.</li><li><strong>Australian Absurdity:</strong> The Vegemite Prison Lawsuit — A convicted murderer claims banning Vegemite in prison violates his cultural rights. The real reason: inmates were using it to brew illegal alcohol and throw off detection dogs.</li></ul><p>Everything you didn't know you needed to know today, but wish you hadn't.</p><p><strong>📩 Check out my Substack (long-form analysis &amp; exclusives) including ad-free podcast options: 👉 </strong><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://substack.com/@itsnotsatire"><strong>https://substack.com/@itsnotsatire</strong></a></p><p><strong>👍 Like, comment, and share — it genuinely helps the channel grow. Everything you didn't know you needed to know today, but wish you hadn't.</strong></p>]]></description>
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      <title><![CDATA[Trump Explains That Dumb Has a B in It & JD Vance on the End Times | Breaking Absurdity Ep 35]]></title>
      <itunes:title><![CDATA[Trump Explains That Dumb Has a B in It & JD Vance on the End Times | Breaking Absurdity Ep 35]]></itunes:title>
      <description><![CDATA[<p><a href="https://rss.com/podcasts/breaking-absurdity-today-s-top-headlines-that-can-t-be-unheard-brought-to-you-by-itsnotsatire/voicemail" target="_blank">Hey! I'd love to hear your thoughts, send me a voice note.</a></p><p>Trump has finally weighed in on the Nevada toupee controversy, insisting the wind blew his hair up "so hard, so hard" that a wig would have flown clean off — an argument that's either surprisingly convincing or a full confession. Meanwhile, the President gives America an unprompted spelling lesson on the word "dumb" while workshopping a new nickname for Democrats, JD Vance says he wouldn't be shocked if the Antichrist is already walking among us, and Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick claims there have been zero American deaths in the Iran war — eighteen service members have died.</p><p><strong>Ads keep the lights on. But if ads give you the ick, we've got a solution on my </strong><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" class="underline prose-link" href="https://substack.com/@itsnotsatire"><strong>Substack</strong></a><strong>. Just sign up and pick the ad free podcast option.</strong></p><p><strong>Did this make you laugh, cringe, or wonder how any of this is real? You're welcome. Consider thanking me by </strong><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" class="underline prose-link" href="https://buymeacoffee.com/itsnotsatire"><strong>leaving a tip</strong></a><strong>.</strong></p><p>In Episode 35 of Breaking Absurdity, we investigate Trump's toupee defense, his live spelling lesson, a backhanded Senate endorsement, the return of Melania Watch, JD Vance bracing for Armageddon, a vandalized Dolly Parton star, a rusted aircraft carrier's Thai vacation, and a Commerce Secretary who forgot 18 people died.</p><p><strong>Story Rundown:</strong></p><ul><li>Trump's Toupee Defense — Trump denies wearing a wig, arguing the wind blew his hair up "so hard, so hard" that any wig would have flown off — and we found the exact footage he's referring to.</li><li>The Dumbocrats Spelling Lesson — Trump workshops a new nickname for Democrats live, but not before teaching the country that "dumb" has a B at the end.</li><li>Ken Paxton's Backhanded Endorsement — Trump backs Texas AG Ken Paxton for Senate by listing everything wrong with how he dresses, looks, and interviews — then insists his record speaks louder "than anything, frankly."</li><li>Melania Watch Is Back — It's been 11 days since Melania was last seen in public, and the clock is officially ticking again.</li><li>JD Vance Braces for Armageddon — The Vice President says he wouldn't be shocked if the Antichrist is already walking among us, then adds he tries not to think about it too much.</li><li>Dolly Parton's Star, Vandalized — Hollywood's Walk of Fame takes a hit, and somehow there's a second, entirely separate Dolly Parton controversy this week too.</li><li>286 Days at Sea — The USS Abraham Lincoln finally docks in Thailand after nearly 10 months deployed, and Trump says the trip wasn't long enough.</li><li>Lutnick's "No American Deaths" Claim — The Commerce Secretary claims zero Americans have died in the Iran war. Eighteen service members have died.</li><li>Australian Absurdity: The Milk Emergency — Western Australia Police beg the public to stop calling 911 over unopened milk cartons.</li></ul><p><strong>Everything you didn't know you needed to know today, but wish you hadn't.</strong></p><p>📩 Check out my Substack (long-form analysis &amp; exclusives) including ad-free podcast options: 👉 <a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://substack.com/@itsnotsatire">https://substack.com/@itsnotsatire</a> </p><p>👍 Like, comment, and share — it genuinely helps the channel grow. Everything you didn't know you needed to know today, but wish you hadn't.</p>]]></description>
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      <pubDate>Thu, 03 Sep 2026 13:09:00 GMT</pubDate>
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        <psc:chapter start="1:33" title="How to go ad free"/>
        <psc:chapter start="2:16" title="Trump's Toupee: &quot;So Hard, So Hard&quot;"/>
        <psc:chapter start="2:34" title="Trump's Spelling Lesson: Dumbocrats"/>
        <psc:chapter start="3:36" title="Ken Paxton: The Backhanded Endorsement"/>
        <psc:chapter start="5:04" title="Melania Watch: Reinstated"/>
        <psc:chapter start="5:32" title="JD Vance and the End Times"/>
        <psc:chapter start="6:44" title="Dolly Parton's Star Vandalized"/>
        <psc:chapter start="7:18" title="USS Abraham Lincoln's 286 Days at Sea"/>
        <psc:chapter start="8:45" title="Lutnick's &quot;No American Deaths&quot; Claim"/>
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      <title><![CDATA[Special Privileges of Trump’s Inner Circle: Natalie Harp and RFK Jr. | Breaking Absurdity Ep. 34]]></title>
      <itunes:title><![CDATA[Special Privileges of Trump’s Inner Circle: Natalie Harp and RFK Jr. | Breaking Absurdity Ep. 34]]></itunes:title>
      <description><![CDATA[<p><a href="https://rss.com/podcasts/breaking-absurdity-today-s-top-headlines-that-can-t-be-unheard-brought-to-you-by-itsnotsatire/voicemail" target="_blank">Hey! I'd love to hear your thoughts, send me a voice note.</a></p><p>Michael Wolff has new details on Natalie Harp's extraordinary access to Donald Trump — including staffers joking about the president "patting" her, and a reported internal competition among staff to out-submit each other for his attention. Meanwhile, the Supreme Court has cleared Trump to keep building his $400 million White House ballroom, ruling that the National Trust for Historic Preservation doesn't have standing to stop it, even as Chief Justice Roberts calls the project "likely unlawful." Then things get even more absurd: MAGA influencer Cam Higby appears to gag live on Fox News mid-defense of Israel policy, and RFK Jr. gets physically blocked — twice — from retaking his spot behind Trump by Dr. Oz, in a White House power struggle three clips deep.</p><p><strong>Ads keep the lights on. But if ads give you the ick, we've got a solution on my </strong><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://substack.com/@itsnotsatire"><strong>Substack</strong></a><strong>. Just sign up and pick the ad free podcast option.</strong></p><p><strong>Did this make you laugh, cringe, or wonder how any of this is real? You're welcome. Consider thanking me by </strong><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://buymeacoffee.com/itsnotsatire"><strong>leaving a tip</strong></a><strong>.</strong></p><p>In Episode 34 of Breaking Absurdity, we investigate Natalie Harp's bizarre proximity to power, the Supreme Court's ballroom ruling, a MAGA influencer's on-air stomach rebellion, and a three-round battle for prime real estate behind the president.</p><p><strong>Story Rundown:</strong></p><ul><li>Natalie Harp's Extraordinary Access — Michael Wolff reveals staffers joking about Trump "patting" Natalie Harp, describing an internal competition to out-submit each other, with Harp reportedly the only staffer granted access to the Mar-a-Lago buffet table.</li><li>The $400 Million Ballroom — The Supreme Court allows Trump's White House ballroom construction to continue, ruling the National Trust for Historic Preservation lacks standing to sue — even as Chief Justice Roberts calls the project "likely unlawful."</li><li>MAGA Has a Stomach Problem — PragerU producer Cam Higby appears to gag live on Fox News while defending Israel policy, prompting Laura Ingraham to tell him to "get yourself together."</li><li>RFK Jr. vs. Dr. Oz, Round 1 — At a White House healthcare event, Dr. Oz physically blocks RFK Jr. from retaking his position behind Trump — twice.</li><li>RFK Jr. vs. Dr. Oz, Round 2 — RFK reveals Trump called him and Oz "every hour of the day," making clear their jobs depended on getting a deal through — followed by Trump's oddly reassuring "I didn't want to fire a Kennedy."</li><li>RFK Jr. vs. Dr. Oz, Round 3 — Trump turns mid-announcement to ask "Bobby, are you okay?" — then answers for him before RFK can say a word.</li></ul><p><strong>Everything you didn't know you needed to know today, but wish you hadn't.</strong></p><p>📩 Check out my Substack (long-form analysis &amp; exclusives) including ad-free podcast options: 👉 <a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://substack.com/@itsnotsatire">https://substack.com/@itsnotsatire</a> </p><p>👍 Like, comment, and share — it genuinely helps the channel grow. Everything you didn't know you needed to know today, but wish you hadn't.</p>]]></description>
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      <pubDate>Tue, 01 Sep 2026 12:33:56 GMT</pubDate>
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        <psc:chapter start="0" title="Headlines"/>
        <psc:chapter start="2:06" title="How to go ad free"/>
        <psc:chapter start="2:21" title="Natalie Harp &amp; the Buffet Table Hierarchy"/>
        <psc:chapter start="3:22" title="Supreme Court Greenlights Trump's Ballroom"/>
        <psc:chapter start="5:01" title="Cam Higby's Throws Up on Fox News"/>
        <psc:chapter start="6:30" title="RFK Jr. vs. Dr. Oz: The Physical Blocking"/>
        <psc:chapter start="7:34" title="RFK Jr. vs. Dr. Oz: Trump Said He'd Fire Us"/>
        <psc:chapter start="8:24" title="Trump asks RFK: &quot;Bobby, Are You Okay?&quot;"/>
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      <title><![CDATA[Trump Renames Lake Ontario 'Lake America' (Yosemite Didn't Survive Either) | Breaking Absurdity Ep 33]]></title>
      <itunes:title><![CDATA[Trump Renames Lake Ontario 'Lake America' (Yosemite Didn't Survive Either) | Breaking Absurdity Ep 33]]></itunes:title>
      <description><![CDATA[<p><a href="https://rss.com/podcasts/breaking-absurdity-today-s-top-headlines-that-can-t-be-unheard-brought-to-you-by-itsnotsatire/voicemail" target="_blank">Hey! I'd love to hear your thoughts, send me a voice note.</a></p><p>Trump's renaming spree is in full swing: Lake Ontario is now "Lake America," Yosemite has become "Yo Semite," and even Lake Erie isn't safe from a Republican outrage cycle over just... saying its actual name. Meanwhile, Trump's Commerce Secretary argues that the only way to save the Kennedy Center from demolition is putting Trump's name back on it — apparently forgetting his name was already there once, until a court ordered it removed. Then things get even more absurd: Trump nearly loses a fight with gravity on the Air Force One stairs, posts an AI-generated image of himself and Dolly Parton (who declined his White House invitations — twice), and gets thoroughly roasted by Abdul El-Sayed over his own name's pronunciation. Plus: Australian Absurdity brings us the Great Hobart Snack Scandal, where a political career hangs in the balance over Mars Bars, Cadbury chocolate, and seven beers.</p><p><strong><em>Ads keep the lights on. But if ads give you the ick, we've got a solution on my </em></strong><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://substack.com/@itsnotsatire?r=2fjd04&amp;utm_medium=ios&amp;utm_source=stories&amp;shareImageVariant=image"><strong><em>Substack</em></strong></a><strong><em>. Just sign up and pick the ad free podcast option.</em></strong></p><p><strong><em>Did this made you cringe, ugly cry or wonder if you're dreaming? You're welcome. Consider thanking me by </em></strong><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://buymeacoffee.com/itsnotsatire"><strong><em>leaving a tip</em></strong></a><strong><em>.</em></strong></p><p>In Episode 33 of Breaking Absurdity, we investigate a news cycle involving America's ongoing renaming spree, the Kennedy Center's demolition threats, Trump's battle with gravity, an AI-generated Dolly Parton photo-op, Abdul El-Sayed's viral clapback, and an Australian snack scandal that somehow makes perfect sense once you stop expecting politics to behave normally.</p><p>Story Rundown:</p><ul><li><strong>The Great American Renaming </strong>— Trump renames Lake Ontario "Lake America" in apparent retaliation against Canada. PM Mark Carney's response: it's still Lake Ontario. The internet proposes renaming America "Lower Canada" instead.</li><li><strong>Yo Semite </strong>— Trump refers to Yosemite National Park as "Yo Semite," prompting fears the rest of the Great Lakes could be next.</li><li><strong>Lake Erie backlash</strong> — NFL announcer Al Michaels casually questions whether Lake Erie is still called Lake Erie, triggering Republican demands for an apology.</li><li><strong>Kennedy Center demolition threat</strong> — Trump's Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick argues before a judge that putting Trump's name back on the Kennedy Center will "induce" him to raise $500 million for renovations — despite his name already having been removed once by court order.</li><li><strong>Trump vs. Gravity </strong>— Trump nearly topples walking up the stairs to Air Force One. Gravity remains undefeated.</li><li><strong>Trump &amp; Dolly's AI photo-op</strong> — Trump posts an AI-generated image of himself and Dolly Parton arm-in-arm at the White House, despite Dolly declining his actual invitations twice.</li><li><strong>Abdul El-Sayed claps back </strong>— After Trump ties him to Islamic terrorism, Abdul goes viral roasting Trump's mangled pronunciation of his own name.</li><li><strong>The Great Hobart Snack Scandal </strong>— Australia's Deputy Lord Mayor of Hobart faces renewed resignation calls over CCTV footage allegedly showing her helping herself to council snacks and alcohol.</li></ul><p>📩 Check out my Substack (long-form analysis &amp; exclusives) including ad-free podcast options: : 👉 <a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://substack.com/@itsnotsatire">https://substack.com/@itsnotsatire</a></p>]]></description>
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      <itunes:episode>33</itunes:episode>
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      <pubDate>Sat, 29 Aug 2026 15:19:47 GMT</pubDate>
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        <psc:chapter start="2:05" title="How to go ad free"/>
        <psc:chapter start="2:21" title="Kennedy Center: Demolish or Rename?"/>
        <psc:chapter start="4:58" title="The Great American Renaming"/>
        <psc:chapter start="6:27" title="Yo Semite"/>
        <psc:chapter start="7:11" title="Lake Erie Panic"/>
        <psc:chapter start="8:09" title="Trump vs. Gravity"/>
        <psc:chapter start="8:33" title="Trump &amp; Dolly's AI Photo-Op"/>
        <psc:chapter start="9:27" title="Abdul El-Sayed Claps Back"/>
        <psc:chapter start="10:51" title="Australian: The Great Hobart Snack Scandal"/>
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      <title><![CDATA[Dolly Parton Had Thoughts About Trump & Trump's "Open Can of Spam" | Breaking Absurdity Ep. 32]]></title>
      <itunes:title><![CDATA[Dolly Parton Had Thoughts About Trump & Trump's "Open Can of Spam" | Breaking Absurdity Ep. 32]]></itunes:title>
      <description><![CDATA[<p><a href="https://rss.com/podcasts/breaking-absurdity-today-s-top-headlines-that-can-t-be-unheard-brought-to-you-by-itsnotsatire/voicemail" target="_blank">Hey! I'd love to hear your thoughts, send me a voice note.</a></p><p><strong>Dolly Parton was asked whether Donald Trump was qualified to be president.</strong> Her answer was very Dolly — complete with Presidential Mood Swings, a suggestion that she might run herself, and a joke about Trump’s hair. Meanwhile, Trump has apparently been taking appearance advice from somewhere else entirely, with Anthony Scaramucci revealing the secrets behind his legendary orange complexion — including the Bronx-sourced bronzer Trump allegedly applies himself.  Then things get even more absurd: Trump delivers a surprisingly dignified tribute to Dolly before apparently deciding that her refusal to endorse him was actually a sign that she really liked him, RFK Jr.’s phone literally calls him a quack, and America finds itself dealing with a growing wave of disease outbreaks and public-health concerns.  </p><p><strong><em>Ads keep the lights on. But if ads give you the ick, we’ve got a solution on my </em></strong><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://substack.com/@itsnotsatire?r=2fjd04&amp;utm_medium=ios&amp;utm_source=stories&amp;shareImageVariant=image"><strong><em>Substack</em></strong></a><strong><em>. Just sign up and pick the ad free podcast option.</em></strong></p><p><strong><em>Did this made you cringe, ugly cry or wonder if you’re dreaming? You’re welcome. Consider thanking me by </em></strong><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://buymeacoffee.com/itsnotsatire"><strong><em>leaving a tip</em></strong></a><strong><em>.</em></strong></p><p>In Episode 32 of Breaking Absurdity, we investigate a news cycle involving Dolly Parton, Trump’s makeup routine, RFK Jr.‘s quacking iPhone, America’s increasingly concerning public-health landscape, and a few other developments that somehow make perfect sense once you stop expecting politics to behave normally.  </p><p><strong>Story Rundown:  <em> </em></strong></p><ul><li><strong><em>Dolly Parton on Trump </em></strong><em>— Resurfaced footage shows Dolly being asked whether Trump is qualified to be president. She refuses to get political, before discussing Hillary Clinton, Presidential Mood Swings, running for president herself, and the need for more boobs in politics. </em> </li><li><strong>Trump responds to Dolly’s death</strong> — Trump issues an unusually dignified tribute to Dolly Parton, before later claiming that Dolly really liked him. Apparently, not endorsing Trump can now be interpreted as a Trump endorsement. <em> </em></li><li><strong><em>Trump’s “open can of Spam” makeup </em></strong><em>— Anthony Scaramucci reveals details about Trump’s alleged makeup routine, including the Bronx-sourced bronzer he apparently applies himself. Scaramucci’s mother reportedly described Trump without makeup as looking like an “open can of Spam.” </em> </li><li><strong>Trump’s weight gain </strong>— Medical reports indicate Trump has gained at least 20 pounds. Dolly once said the presidential race could use “a few more boobs.” We investigate whether Trump has been taking her advice. <em> </em></li><li><strong><em>Chris Christie remembers Trump’s makeup routine</em></strong><em> — Another resurfaced story offers a glimpse into Trump’s approach to his appearance, including the time he apparently demonstrated his makeup routine aboard a private jet. </em> </li><li><strong>Dolly in Australia </strong>— How an Australian Politician Saved Dolly's Australian 2011 Tour  Everything you didn’t know you needed to know today, but wish you hadn’t.  </li></ul><p>📩 Check out my Substack (long-form analysis &amp; exclusives) including ad-free podcast options</p><p>: 👉 <a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://substack.com/@itsnotsatire">https://substack.com/@itsnotsatire</a>  </p><p>👍 Like, comment, and share — it genuinely helps the channel grow.  Everything you didn’t know you needed to know today, but wish you hadn’t.</p>]]></description>
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      <pubDate>Thu, 27 Aug 2026 11:58:53 GMT</pubDate>
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        <psc:chapter start="1:32" title="How to go ad free"/>
        <psc:chapter start="1:47" title="Dolly Predicts Presidential Mood Swings"/>
        <psc:chapter start="3:07" title="Trump's &quot;Dignified&quot; Tribute (For One Day)"/>
        <psc:chapter start="4:33" title="The Trump Makeup Investigation"/>
        <psc:chapter start="6:22" title="Chris Christie's Claims About Trump's Makeup"/>
        <psc:chapter start="7:33" title="Dolly Said More Boobs, Trump Listened"/>
        <psc:chapter start="8:24" title="The Australian Dolly Connection"/>
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      <title><![CDATA[They Tried to Hide Natalie Harp  Then the Internet Found Her | Breaking Absurdity Ep 31]]></title>
      <itunes:title><![CDATA[They Tried to Hide Natalie Harp  Then the Internet Found Her | Breaking Absurdity Ep 31]]></itunes:title>
      <description><![CDATA[<p><a href="https://rss.com/podcasts/breaking-absurdity-today-s-top-headlines-that-can-t-be-unheard-brought-to-you-by-itsnotsatire/voicemail" target="_blank">Hey! I'd love to hear your thoughts, send me a voice note.</a></p><p><strong>The White House tried to crop Natalie Harp out of the Freedom 250 footage. The internet noticed. </strong>Meanwhile, the Supreme Court handed Trump a significant victory on his effort to restrict mail-in voting ahead of the midterms, Trump took children on a tour of his ballroom and helipad construction site, RFK Jr.’s phone literally called him a quack, Canada threatened to switch off the lights, and Pete Hegseth continued his ongoing campaign to make the Marine Corps Grapevine a matter of national security.</p><p>Oh — and Melania Watch may be back.</p><p><strong>In Episode 31 of Breaking Absurdity, we investigate the latest developments in the Trump White House, where the news cycle increasingly feels like someone is writing a political satire and forgetting to tell the politicians.</strong></p><p><em>Ads keep the lights on. But if ads give you the ick, we’ve got a solution on my </em><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://substack.com/@itsnotsatire?r=2fjd04&amp;utm_medium=ios&amp;utm_source=stories&amp;shareImageVariant=image"><em>Substack</em></a><em>. Just sign up and pick the ad free podcast option.</em></p><p><em>Did this made you cringe, ugly cry or wonder if you’re dreaming? You’re welcome. Consider thanking me by </em><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://buymeacoffee.com/itsnotsatire"><em>leaving a tip</em></a><em>.</em></p><p><strong>Story rundown:</strong></p><ul><li><strong><em>Supreme Court &amp; mail-in voting</em></strong><em> — The Court allows key parts of Trump’s executive order restricting mail-in ballots to move forward while the broader legal battle continues.</em></li><li><strong>Trump takes children to the construction site</strong> — Instead of the usual White House tour, Trump gives a group of children a look at his new ballroom and helipad construction.</li><li><strong><em>RFK Jr.’s phone calls him a quack </em></strong><em>— While Kennedy discusses autism, his iPhone interrupts with the unmistakable sound of a quacking duck. The comedic timing is impeccable.</em></li><li><strong>Natalie Harp gets cropped out </strong>— Harp appears to have been removed from official White House footage of the Freedom 250 event, despite other footage showing her standing directly behind Trump and Melania.</li><li><strong><em>What were Trump and Melania arguing about? </em></strong><em>— The internet attempts some amateur lip-reading, briefly wonders whether the woman beside Trump is actually Caitlyn Jenner, and then reports emerge that a film crew was told to stop recording.</em></li><li><strong>Canada says no to the 51st state </strong>— Ontario Premier Doug Ford threatens to cut electricity exports to the United States while calling Trump a loser and a bully. Canada has apparently found the one tariff Trump can’t impose: the light switch.</li><li><strong><em>Pete Hegseth’s latest controversy</em></strong><em> — A transphobic remark sparks backlash, followed by another instalment of the Defense Secretary’s increasingly legendary Marine Corps Grapevine.</em></li><li><strong>Australian Absurdity </strong>— Police in NSW investigate what appears to be a woman’s body inside a suitcase near Goulburn. The twist? It was an extremely realistic doll. <em>Everything you didn't know you needed to know today, but wish you hadn't.</em></li></ul>]]></description>
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      <pubDate>Tue, 25 Aug 2026 13:06:58 GMT</pubDate>
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        <psc:chapter start="1:43" title="How to go ad free"/>
        <psc:chapter start="1:58" title="Supreme Court Ruling on Mail-In Voting"/>
        <psc:chapter start="2:53" title="Trump Takes Kids to Construction Site"/>
        <psc:chapter start="4:53" title="RFK Jr.'s Phone Interruption"/>
        <psc:chapter start="5:45" title="Natalie Harp Gets Cropped"/>
        <psc:chapter start="6:36" title="What Were Trump &amp; Melania Arguing About?"/>
        <psc:chapter start="8:16" title="Canada Responds to Trump"/>
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      <title><![CDATA[Trump Foreshadows His Own Impeachment as Natalie Harp Sprints After His Golf Cart | Breaking Absurdity Ep. 30]]></title>
      <itunes:title><![CDATA[Trump Foreshadows His Own Impeachment as Natalie Harp Sprints After His Golf Cart | Breaking Absurdity Ep. 30]]></itunes:title>
      <description><![CDATA[<p><a href="https://rss.com/podcasts/breaking-absurdity-today-s-top-headlines-that-can-t-be-unheard-brought-to-you-by-itsnotsatire/voicemail" target="_blank">Hey! I'd love to hear your thoughts, send me a voice note.</a></p><p>Natalie Harp just wrote Trump a letter granting him permission to cuss her out — and days later she's sprinting after his golf cart in Scotland with a smile on her face. Meanwhile Melania resurfaces after a near-record 30-day absence with a two-word statement, Karoline Leavitt gets her farewell tour, Trump predicts his own impeachment without knowing the charges, JD Vance asks a kid an extremely normal question, and Australia proves its politics can be just as weird as ours. It's time for Breaking Absurdity — everything you didn't know you needed to know today, but wish you hadn't.</p><p><strong>It's time for Breaking Absurdity — everything you didn't know you needed to know today, but wish you hadn't.</strong></p><p><em>Ads keep the lights on. But if ads give you the ick, we’ve got a solution on my </em><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://substack.com/@itsnotsatire?r=2fjd04&amp;utm_medium=ios&amp;utm_source=stories&amp;shareImageVariant=image"><em>Substack</em></a><em>. Just sign up and pick the ad free podcast option.</em></p><p><em>Did this made you cringe, ugly cry or wonder if you’re dreaming? You’re welcome. Consider thanking me by </em><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://buymeacoffee.com/itsnotsatire"><em>leaving a tip</em></a><em>.</em></p><p><strong>Story Rundown — Breaking Absurdity Ep 30</strong></p><ul><li><strong>Natalie Harp Executes the Ultimate Promotion Strategy</strong> — The Daily Beast publishes letters from Harp to Trump, including one telling him he has the right to "cuss her out" when she deserves it. A photo surfaces of her sprinting after his golf cart in Scotland, grinning the whole way. With Trump openly floating her as a potential White House Press Secretary pick, the segment frames it as an unconventional but apparently effective career-advancement strategy.</li><li><strong>The Meltdown Over Natalie</strong> — The political fallout from Ossoff's "with Natalie" rally line splits along predictable lines: Obama alum David Axelrod calls the reference gratuitous, while Scott Jennings goes further, accusing Ossoff of sexism and insinuating an inappropriate relationship — despite Ossoff's comment being just two words. The segment argues Jennings and the White House did more to fuel the "insinuation" than Ossoff did.</li><li><strong>Melania Watch Is Called Off (For Now)</strong> — After a near-record 30-day public absence, Melania reappears with Trump gripping her hand aloft like a trophy. Her only comment: "I heard you missed me. Here I am." Trump then reveals she reportedly hates his YMCA dance routine, raising the odds Melania Watch resumes soon.</li><li><strong>Trump Has Big Feelings on Karoline Leavitt</strong> — As outgoing Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt gets her send-off, Trump admits he's been annoyed that she's prioritized her new baby over him, while Leavitt gushes that he's the "most consequential and greatest president in history" and reachable any time, including 3 a.m. The segment ties this into speculation over her successor — with both Natalie Harp and Scott Jennings floated as contenders.</li><li><strong>Trump Says He'll Be Impeached (But Doesn't Know Why)</strong> — At a rally, Trump predicts he'll likely face impeachment but can't say on what grounds. The bit plays this as unusually efficient of him, and opens the floor for the audience to suggest possible articles of impeachment in the comments.</li><li><strong>JD Vance Has a Question for the Kids</strong> — Vance is caught on camera asking a young rally attendee "When do you turn 18?"</li><li><strong>Australia Has Entered the Group Chat</strong> — A new recurring-segment tease: Australian grocery chain Coles faces backlash over a partnership with Palantir (the data/defense firm co-founded by a mentor of JD Vance's). </li></ul>]]></description>
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      <pubDate>Sat, 22 Aug 2026 13:50:44 GMT</pubDate>
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        <psc:chapter start="0" title="Top Stories"/>
        <psc:chapter start="1:29" title="How to go ad free"/>
        <psc:chapter start="1:45" title="Natalie Harp Executes the Ultimate Promotion "/>
        <psc:chapter start="3:37" title="The Meltdown Over Natalie"/>
        <psc:chapter start="5:12" title="Melania Watch Is Called Off (For Now)"/>
        <psc:chapter start="7:36" title="Trump's Big Emotions on Karoline Leavitt"/>
        <psc:chapter start="9:07" title="Trump Says He'll Be Impeached (But Doesn't Kn"/>
        <psc:chapter start="10:37" title="JD Vance Has a Question for the Kids"/>
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      <title><![CDATA[Jon Ossoff Upsets Trump & Natalie Harp — Then Gets Called Pee-Wee Herman | Breaking Absurdity Ep. 29]]></title>
      <itunes:title><![CDATA[Jon Ossoff Upsets Trump & Natalie Harp — Then Gets Called Pee-Wee Herman | Breaking Absurdity Ep. 29]]></itunes:title>
      <description><![CDATA[<p><a href="https://rss.com/podcasts/breaking-absurdity-today-s-top-headlines-that-can-t-be-unheard-brought-to-you-by-itsnotsatire/voicemail" target="_blank">Hey! I'd love to hear your thoughts, send me a voice note.</a></p><p>Trump’s assistant, Natalie Harp, just got called out, globally, after Senator Jon Ossoff questioned her unusually close access to the president. Trump clapped back by calling Ossof “Pee-wee Herman.” In the same meeting, Trump deeply interrogateda teenage lifeguard about his “surf life” — before getting considerably less enthusiastic when a female journalist asked him difficult questions. Melania Watch has officially reached Day 30.</p><p><em>Ads keep the lights on. But if ads give you the ick, we’ve got a solution on my </em><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://substack.com/@itsnotsatire?r=2fjd04&amp;utm_medium=ios&amp;utm_source=stories&amp;shareImageVariant=image"><em>Substack</em></a><em>. Just sign up and pick the ad free podcast option.</em></p><p><em>Did this made you cringe, ugly cry or wonder if you’re dreaming? You’re welcome. Consider thanking me by </em><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://buymeacoffee.com/itsnotsatire"><em>leaving a tip</em></a><em>.</em></p><p><strong>It’s time for Breaking Absurdity — everything you didn’t know you needed to know today, but wish you hadn’t.</strong></p><p><strong>In Episode 39 of Breaking Absurdity:</strong></p><p><strong>• NATALIE HARP ENTERS THE GROUP CHAT </strong>— Senator Jon Ossoff questions Trump about Natalie Harp’s unusually close relationship with the president and her access during sensitive travel. Trump responds with perhaps the most sophisticated political rebuttal imaginable: “Pee-wee Herman.”</p><p>• <strong>PEE-WEE HERMAN VS. JON OSSOFF</strong> — Trump and his allies go after Ossoff over his comments about Harp. We investigate the obvious question: who exactly is the zany, childlike one here? • MELANIA WATCH: DAY 30 — Melania Trump has now gone roughly 30 days without a widely reported public appearance. Meanwhile, Natalie Harp continues showing up alongside Trump. The Where’s Melania? Clock continues.</p><p>• <strong>TRUMP HAS QUESTIONS FOR A LIFEGUARD</strong> — 16-year-old California lifeguard Ryder Williams became a national hero after rescuing a young boy from dangerous surf. Trump invited him to the White House — and seemed particularly fascinated by his “surf life.”</p><p>• TRUMP VS. THE FEMALE REPORTER — CNN’s Kristen Holmes asks Trump about the Natalie Harp controversy. The tone changes rather dramatically from “tell me about your life on the surf” to “don’t ever talk again.” Apparently there are two kinds of questions at the White House: Surf Life and Shut Up.</p><p><strong>• THE SUPREME COURT SAYS NO — AGAIN</strong> — The Supreme Court rejects Trump’s attempt to overturn the $5 million judgment awarded to E. Jean Carroll. .</p><p>• <strong>GUYANA: BECAUSE BRAZIL WASN’T AN OPTION </strong>— A Brazilian national who had lived in the United States for nine years and held a valid work permit was detained by ICE after being unexpectedly called in for an immigration appointment. </p><p>• <strong>TRUMP’S HAIR DECLARES INDEPENDENCE</strong> — Strong winds attack Donald Trump’s hair as he walks toward Air Force One. Once again, nature proves to be one of the few forces capable of defeating the Trump administration.</p><p><strong>Chapters</strong></p><p>00:00 Headlines</p><p>01:09 Natalie Harp: How Much Access Does She Have to Trump?</p><p>00:54 How to go ad free</p><p>03:33 Melania Trump: 30 Days Without a Public Appearance</p><p>04:50 The 16-Year-Old Lifeguard at the White House</p><p>06:21 Trump Hostlie Reaction to Kristen Holmes</p><p>07:31<strong> </strong>$5.6 Million For E. Jean Carroll Confirmed</p><p>08:52 ICE Detains Brazilian National in West Hollywood</p><p>10:23 Trump’s Hair Has a Very Bad Day on Air Force One</p><p>🔗 Follow &amp; Support My Work 📩 Substack:</p><p>👉 <a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://substack.com/@itsnotsatire">https://substack.com/@itsnotsatire</a></p>]]></description>
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      <itunes:episode>29</itunes:episode>
      <podcast:episode>29</podcast:episode>
      <pubDate>Tue, 18 Aug 2026 08:43:10 GMT</pubDate>
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        <psc:chapter start="0" title="Headlines"/>
        <psc:chapter start="54" title="How to go ad free"/>
        <psc:chapter start="1:08" title="Natalie Harp: How Much Access Does She Have t"/>
        <psc:chapter start="3:34" title="Melania Trump: 30 Days Without a Public Appea"/>
        <psc:chapter start="4:50" title="The 16-Year-Old Lifeguard at the White House"/>
        <psc:chapter start="6:21" title="Trump's Hostile Reaction to Kristen Holmes"/>
        <psc:chapter start="7:31" title="$5.6 Million For E. Jean Carroll Confirmed"/>
        <psc:chapter start="8:52" title="ICE Detains Brazilian National in West Hollyw"/>
        <psc:chapter start="10:23" title="Trump’s Hair Has a Very Bad Day on Air Force "/>
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      <title><![CDATA[Trump Said "Young, Beautiful Girls" Then the Internet Saw His Rump | Breaking Absurdity Ep.  #28]]></title>
      <itunes:title><![CDATA[Trump Said "Young, Beautiful Girls" Then the Internet Saw His Rump | Breaking Absurdity Ep.  #28]]></itunes:title>
      <description><![CDATA[<p><a href="https://rss.com/podcasts/breaking-absurdity-today-s-top-headlines-that-can-t-be-unheard-brought-to-you-by-itsnotsatire/voicemail" target="_blank">Hey! I'd love to hear your thoughts, send me a voice note.</a></p><p>Donald Trump talked about “young, beautiful girls” coming to the White House. Repeatedly. Meanwhile, New Mexico is suing Trump’s Justice Department over access to unredacted Epstein files. Then things get even stranger when the internet got a load of Trump's backside, igniting a firestorm of speculation.</p><p><em>Ads keep the lights on. But if ads give you the ick, we’ve got a solution on my </em><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://substack.com/@itsnotsatire?r=2fjd04&amp;utm_medium=ios&amp;utm_source=stories&amp;shareImageVariant=image"><em>Substack</em></a><em>. Just sign up and pick the ad free podcast option.</em></p><p><em>Did this made you cringe, ugly cry or wonder if you’re dreaming? You’re welcome. Consider thanking me by </em><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://buymeacoffee.com/itsnotsatire"><em>leaving a tip</em></a><em>.</em></p><p><strong>This is Breaking Absurdity — everything you didn’t know you needed to learn today, and will quickly wish you hadn’t.</strong></p><p><strong>In Episode 28 of Breaking Absurdity:</strong></p><p><strong>• THE “YOUNG, BEAUTIFUL GIRLS” </strong>— Trump repeatedly describes the women coming to the White House, while offering some… unusually specific commentary about the people who thank him.</p><p><strong>• THE EPSTEIN FILES</strong> — New Mexico wants access to unredacted Epstein-related documents from Jeffrey Epstein’s former Zorro Ranch. Sadly, the call apparently went to voicemail.</p><p>• TRUMP WANTS STEAM — The administration wants future aircraft carriers to use steam-powered catapults instead of the Navy’s modern electromagnetic launch system. Revolutionary 1940s technology!</p><p>• <strong>THE USS ABRAHAM LINCOLN</strong> — Reports describe food shortages, deteriorating conditions, poor morale and plumbing problems aboard the carrier after more than 250 days at sea. But apparently there’s one resource in plentiful supply: testosterone.</p><p>• <strong>TURTLE WATCH</strong> — Mitch McConnell hasn’t made a public appearance since June 14. We’re keeping an eye on the turtle. • WHERE’S MELANIA? — Melania Trump has made relatively few public appearances this year, with her last reported public appearance on July 19. • THE STRAIT OF HORMUZ — Trump suggests treating the strategically important waterway as U.S. territory.</p><p>• AI MICRODOSES MUSHROOMS — An Australian woman reportedly discovered that an AI-generated medical record claimed she was microdosing mushrooms.</p><p>• <strong>WHITE HOUSE EXODUS </strong>— Karoline Leavitt, David Warrington and others are among the departures and changes prompting questions about turnover inside the White House. • TRUMP’S RUMP — And finally, the internet has questions about the strange-looking bulge visible underneath the right side of Trump’s suit jacket. Is it a box? A mysterious object? Something else entirely? We have no idea. But apparently the internet has theories.</p><p><strong>Chapters</strong>:</p><p>0:00 Cold Open — Young, Beautiful Girls, Epstein &amp; Trump’s Rump</p><p>0:53 How to go ad free</p><p>1:09 Trump’s “Young, Beautiful Girls”</p><p>2:26 The Epstein Files</p><p>3:08 Trump Wants Steam-Powered Aircraft Carriers</p><p>4:30 USS Abraham Lincoln: Food Shortages &amp; Low Morale</p><p>5:22 TurtleWatch: Where Is Mitch McConnell?</p><p>5:59 Where’s Melania Trump?</p><p>6:31 Trump Wants the Strait of Hormuz</p><p>6:51 AI Says an Australian Woman Is Microdosing Mushrooms</p><p>7:06 White House Exodus: Who’s Leaving?</p><p>7:41 Trump’s Rump Has the Internet Asking Questions</p><p>Subscribe for more daily political absurdity.</p><p>🔗 Follow &amp; Support My Work</p><p>📩 Substack (long-form analysis &amp; exclusives): 👉 <a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://substack.com/@itsnotsatire">https://substack.com/@itsnotsatire</a></p>]]></description>
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      <pubDate>Mon, 17 Aug 2026 08:23:38 GMT</pubDate>
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        <psc:chapter start="53" title="How to go ad free"/>
        <psc:chapter start="1:09" title="Trump’s “Young, Beautiful Girls”"/>
        <psc:chapter start="2:26" title="The Epstein Files"/>
        <psc:chapter start="3:09" title="Trump Wants Steam-Powered Aircraft Carriers"/>
        <psc:chapter start="4:30" title="USS Abraham Lincoln: Food Shortages &amp; Low Mor"/>
        <psc:chapter start="5:19" title="TurtleWatch: Where Is Mitch McConnell?"/>
        <psc:chapter start="5:59" title="Where’s Melania Trump?"/>
        <psc:chapter start="6:31" title="Trump Wants the Strait of Hormuz"/>
        <psc:chapter start="6:51" title=" AI Says an Australian Woman Is Microdosing M"/>
        <psc:chapter start="7:06" title="White House Exodus: Who’s Leaving?"/>
        <psc:chapter start="7:41" title="Trump’s Rump Has the Internet Asking Question"/>
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