He said I changed

Said I wasn’t who I used to be

Funny how I disappeared

While he was changing me

Said I was too emotional

Too selfish, too damn loud

Then told me I should smile more

When other people came around

I learned to bite my tongue

Till I could taste the blood

Learned to call control protection

And fear another word for love

I got so good at being

Who he needed me to be

I forgot the girl

Who used to look like me

There were cracks across the mirror

I pretended not to see

Until one day

The woman staring back

Looked straight through me

That’s the story he told

I was crazy

I was cold

I was everything that broke us

He was innocent, I’m told

That’s the story he told

But he left a few things out

Like how he took a woman with a voice

And taught her how to doubt

Every word

Every dream

Every damn thing that made her whole

Yeah—

That was his story

But it’s not mine anymore

I gave up pieces quietly

So nobody heard them fall

My work

My words

My friends

Myself

Till there was nothing left at all

He wore success like armor

Everybody knew his name

While I stood smiling next to him

And slowly took the blame

But there’s something about rock bottom

When there’s nowhere left to hide

You either stay there underneath it

Or you fucking decide

And I saw my children watching

What we taught them love could be

That’s when the fear of staying

Got bigger than the fear of leaving

Let him tell the story

Let him say I lost control

Let him make himself the hero

If that’s what feeds his soul

Let him tell them that I broke us

That I threw our life away

I spent too many years believing him

I don’t give a damn

What he says

Because I know

Who I was

And I know what I survived

He can keep the story

I took back my life

It took a while to meet her

The woman I am now

She didn’t come back all at once

She had to figure out how

How to laugh without permission

How to spend the money she made

How to write until two in the morning

Without explaining why she stayed

How to look into a mirror

Without hearing someone else

How to stop asking everybody

If it’s okay

To love herself

I am not difficult

I have boundaries

I am not selfish

I have needs

I am not crazy

I remember what happened

I am not weak

I survived you

I’m still a mother

Still a writer

Still every fucking thing

You couldn’t stand to see

Because the stronger I became

The less

You could control me

So look at me now

Tell your story

Tell them everything you need

Make me every kind of villain

If that’s how you sleep

Say I ruined the marriage

Say I tore our world apart

You can have your version

You don’t get my heart

Because I know

Who I am

And God, I finally love her

[Verse 1]

I remember who you were before Before the bottles, before the lies Before I learned to read the hurt You tried so hard to hide

You were laughter down the hallway Bare feet running through our home I never knew one little pill Could make you feel so alone

I watched the light leave your eyes A little more each day And every time I reached for you You slipped further away

[Pre-Chorus]

I thought if I held on tighter You might remember who you were But I was fighting something Love alone could never cure

[Chorus]

If love could’ve saved you You’d still be here tonight I would’ve loved the darkness out of you And pulled you toward the light

If tears could’ve changed it I’d have cried an endless sea If I could’ve carried all your pain I swear I’d have let it bury me

I gave you every piece of my heart But there was one thing I couldn’t do I could love you through the breaking But I couldn’t save you

[Verse 2]

There were nights I heard you crying Through a bedroom door locked tight Mornings when you swore you’d stop And I wanted to believe you every time

Then came anger, then came silence Then the girl I knew was gone I hated what those pills had done But I never stopped holding on

And God, I said some things in anger Things I wish that I could take away I didn’t know I was running out Of chances to make you stay

[Pre-Chorus]

Everybody says I tried Like that should somehow set me free But they don’t hear the question That still won’t let me sleep

[Chorus]

If love could’ve saved you You’d still be here tonight I would’ve loved the darkness out of you And pulled you toward the light

If tears could’ve changed it I’d have cried an endless sea If I could’ve carried all your pain I swear I’d have let it bury me

I gave you every piece of my heart But there was one thing I couldn’t do I could love you through the breaking But I couldn’t save you

[Bridge]

Could I have seen it sooner? Could I have said your name? Could I have found the right words Before the pills took you away?

Was there a door I didn’t open? Was there a hand I didn’t hold? Was there one more “please don’t leave me” That could’ve brought my sister home?

I’ve asked a thousand questions And none bring you back to me Maybe loving someone doesn’t mean You get to make them free

[Breakdown]

So I’ll stop asking the silence For an answer it can’t give I’ll remember more than how you died I’ll remember how you lived

You were more than your addiction More than every choice you made You were my sister You were Emily And you deserved to be remembered that way

[Final Chorus]

If love could’ve saved you You never would’ve gone You’d be sitting here beside me Laughing at this stupid song

If love could’ve healed you There’d be no goodbye to grieve Because there wasn’t one damn second That you weren’t loved by me

I couldn’t stop the ending No matter how badly I wanted to But I can carry your story And tell the world the truth

Addiction may have taken you But it doesn’t get all of you

[Outro]

So when they say your name I won’t let the ending speak first

I’ll tell them you were funny I’ll tell them you had dreams I’ll tell them you were someone’s daughter And you were everything to me

And if another sister hears this While she’s begging hers to stay I hope she knows that love still matters Even when love can’t take the pain away

If love could’ve saved you… Emily, you would’ve stayed.

Finding myself

In my own self‑medicate state

Making all pain

Slowly dissipate

Forget all the mess

Forget all the names

Forget every promise

That went up in flames

But those dark nights flew

And a pale light grew

My room felt wide

And my mind felt true

I felt once again

Almost aligned

Fine with life

Fine with my own mind

Fine with life

Fine with waking up to my own shine

Fine this time

Wearing all my scars like they were mine

Thought I climbed

Out of every echo in my spine

Fine with life

Fine with life (this time)

Then the world cracked open

Like a glass on tile

Every quiet comfort

Twisted into trial

My ground crumbled

Right under my feet

Old ghosts lining up

Like we’d never meet

Manipulation

Exploitation

Despair

Every single pattern

Dragged me back there

I fell through the floor

With a blank

Cold stare

This time when I fell

I didn’t care

Fine with life

Fine with waking up to my own shine

Fine this time

Even when the fault lines cross the sky

Say I’m fine

As the warning sirens flood my mind

Fine with life

Fine with life (I lie)

I keep saying “I’m fine”

’til the word turns thin

Like a shirt that’s torn

At the same old trim

If I hand you the truth

Would you even stay?

Could you hold my weight

If I broke today?

Fine with life

Fine with waking up to my own shine

Fine this time

But the crack keeps running through the line

If I’m fine

Why am I afraid to close my eyes?

Fine with life

Fine with life

And terrified

Why am I afraid to find my shine one more time?